


Everything is Red

by green_lemonboys, shipsandglitter



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, But there will be a few flashbacks to their teen years, Depictions (not graphic) of death, Depictions (not graphic) of violence, Depictions (not graphic) or crime, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Motels, TJ and Cyrus are 23 in this, gun use, living on the road, set in 2006
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-01-11 08:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18426891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green_lemonboys/pseuds/green_lemonboys, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipsandglitter/pseuds/shipsandglitter
Summary: "Cyrus Goodman and TJ Kippen weren’t desperate by any means, they just happened to find comfort in old, run-down motels where people wouldn’t dare come looking for them. There was no particular reason for this - or so they would tell you. Faded motels just had a certain charm about them, Cyrus would say with one of his naturally bright smiles."~The fall of 2006 finds TJ and Cyrus on the run from the law, seeking the highs associated with risk wherever they can and maybe even learning a thing or two about love and the inevitability of fate.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is going to a collab fic between Smriti (@green-lemonboys on tumblr) and Sarah (@heart-eyes-kippen on tumblr.) We're going to be focusing on more psychological elements of crime rather than graphic depictions.
> 
> In terms of posting, we're going to alternate with who writes the chapter starting with Sarah writing the prologue, Smriti writing Chapter 1 and so on.
> 
> Feedback is appreciated so we know whether or not we should continue with this!! 
> 
> We hope you like it <3

Palace Motel had a name that would suggest many things - luxury, comfort, wealth. It just so happened that this building was the complete opposite of those things. With cracked brick walls and graffiti-littered doors, which creaked obnoxiously upon each opening, it didn’t exactly live up to its name by any means. It was notorious for its bad track record with crime, and only the most desperate people generally sought shelter there.

Cyrus Goodman and TJ Kippen weren’t desperate by any means, they just happened to find comfort in old, run-down motels where people wouldn’t dare come looking for them. There was no particular reason for this - or so they would tell you. Faded motels just had a certain charm about them, Cyrus would say with one of his naturally bright smiles.

It was late into the evening when the pair finally collapsed onto their double bed. They were used to claustrophobic rooms like these - ones with beige walls, creaky taps that had a tendency to stop working and small windows. Cyrus was looking out one of the said windows, admiring the night sky. It was clear, with bright stars beginning to dot it. He looked up to TJ, knowing that he would likely be appreciating the view too. TJ was always telling Cyrus how comforting he found the night sky, how it gave him a sense of anonymity that day time could just never deliver.

Their darkened room was illuminated occasionally by the faint glow emanating from Cyrus’ camera screen. Everything felt peaceful, and that wasn’t something Cyrus could say he often felt.

TJ gave him a fond smile, his hair unruly in the most breathtaking way possible as he shuffled even closer to him, nuzzling his nose into the crook of Cyrus’ neck.

“Babe,” he complained. “Stop looking at the photos you took today.”

Cyrus gave him a teasing smile, bringing the camera up purposely to snap a quick photo of him.

“Hey!” he spluttered, playfully taking the camera away from him.

Cyrus watched as TJ scooted off of bed and got to his feet, wandering over to the small kitchen counter and pointed placing the camera down there.

Cyrus had a smirk on his lips as TJ turned back to him, a hand on his hips.

“That’s staying there,” he said sternly, but Cyrus could see the soft smile that was threatening to appear on his face as he walked back over to the bed, gracefully lowering himself down next to Cyrus. He had become nuanced in the way he interpreted TJ’s facial expressions by now and, often to TJ’s dismay, he was able to read him somewhat like an open book. He supposed that spending so much time with someone did that to a person.

“Happy now? No distractions,” Cyrus teased, rolling over to look up fondly at TJ.

He just smiled and nodded, placing a gentle hand under Cyrus’ chin and tipping his head up slightly so he could lean down and place a lingering kiss on his lips. Cyrus’ eyes fluttered shut almost instinctively, melting into the touch right away and shuffling even closer to TJ. He wrapped his arms around TJ’s waist, burying his head in the taller man’s chest and letting out a breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding.

He had a tendency to forget just how much tension he held throughout the day, always feeling it seep right out of him when TJ brought him close like this. He felt TJ’s eyelashes flutter against his skin, pulling an embarrassing giggle from him as it always did.

Motel rooms like these always seemed to be freezing at night, and Cyrus had regrettably never dealt well with cold. He snuggled further into TJ, trying to soak in as much of his body heat as was physically possible.

“Cold?” TJ asked him knowingly, smiling when Cyrus just let out an annoyed huff.

He took that response as a ‘yes’, briefly sitting up and grabbed one of the blankets that lay in a heap on the end of the bed. He threw it over Cyrus, smiling slightly as he watched him wriggle his way up and poke his head out from the top.

“There you go. Warmth,” said TJ, laying back down and snuggling under the blanket beside him.

Cyrus always appreciated nights like these - ones where they could lay together and feel the world around them gradually melt away. TJ gave the most comforting hugs imaginable, and that proved to be particularly useful when Cyrus was having a bad day. Sometimes they would spend hours talking the night away, but on a lot of occasions they would just lay there, wrapped up in one another, finding solace in one another after the day’s events.

 

It was 9:30pm when TJ began to shift restlessly, eventually sitting up in bed and looking down at Cyrus in a somewhat pleading fashion.

Cyrus raised a curious eyebrow. “What is it?”

TJ just hummed, taking Cyrus’ hand and intertwining their fingers. After all these years the action still managed to turn Cyrus’ heart turn into a butterfly, fluttering about wildly in his chest. TJ, the asshole, knew this well.

“I’m hungry. Wanna get something from the vending machine downstairs?”

He leaned down to press another kiss to Cyrus’ lips for good measure, clearly having noticed the hesitant look on his face.

“Come on, baby. How much trouble can we cause?”

Cyrus let out a huff and pulled his hand away, looking stern.

“You know it’s safer up here,” he argued.

TJ just bit his lip though, his eyes wide, silently pleading with him. Cyrus let out a heavy sigh. It was always like this; TJ desperately chasing freedom in any way he could, Cyrus holding him back, always cautious. Their dynamic had been this way as long as he could remember, and he had gotten used to the varying ways TJ would attempt to play to his weaknesses. It still didn’t mean he was immune though, as demonstrated by the words that fell from his lips next.

“No side-quests. No distractions. Down to the vending machine, then back up. Got it?”

TJ smirked at that, raising a playful eyebrow at him as he untangled himself from the blankets and got up. “You’re cute when you’re being bossy,” was all he said, smiling wide at Cyrus’ responding huff.

One of TJ’s most infuriating qualities had to be his effortless ability to make Cyrus’ heart melt. He had never known anyone in his life that could affect him in the way TJ did without even thinking about it and this was as much a curse as it was a blessing. He loved TJ Kippen. He loved TJ Kippen so much it often felt all-consuming, swallowing him whole in a way that left him feeling somewhat helpless, gasping for air. He loved tracing lines between the freckles on TJ’s face, playing with his hair, listening to his rants about cinematography and why life wasn’t all black and white. It filled him to the brim with contentment, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world. Even if he _was_ a smug asshole sometimes.

“Ready?” TJ asked him, stumbling slightly as he tugged on a coat. Stolen, of course - Cyrus just couldn’t remember where from.

“No," Cyrus deadpanned, reluctantly getting up from the bed and moving over to the kitchen counter.

“Aren’t you fun,” TJ teased, stepping up to the boy and tipping his head slightly to the side. The corners of Cyrus’ lips twitched upwards slightly, and he couldn’t help but bring his hands up to smooth over TJ’s chest, up to his shoulders, letting them hang loosely around his neck. It was an affectionate gesture, and it had TJ’s smile melting into something softer as he leaned down to press a brief kiss to Cyrus’ lips.

Cyrus couldn’t deny the excitement beginning to swell in his chest as they separated, turning towards the door. There was a reason they lived the way they did after all - seeking thrills, even as simple as this one. Cyrus had become somewhat dependent upon the adrenaline that would surge through his veins whenever they took risks. He would never admit this to anyone apart from TJ though; that was a secret he kept gladly buried within himself. He lived for the things they did just as much as TJ did; he had just become skilled at hiding it.

He bit his lip, and TJ seemed to sense the direction his thoughts had taken because he gave the latter a smug smile as he approached the door.

“It’s just a vending machine, babe,” he said, “nothing scandalous about that.”

Cyrus rolled his eyes and grabbed their bag of essentials from the counter before following TJ out. He always had this bag on him, to the point where he’d go into a full-blown panic if it left his sight for too long. TJ wasn’t carrying a bag at all, but Cyrus knew that was because he preferred to use baggier clothing to conceal the things he carried on him.

 

The hallway outside their room was dark, with varying shadows dancing across the walls due to the flickering light above their head. Cyrus watched a faint smile ghost over TJ’s lips - he lived for darkness, always referring to light as something unnecessarily harsh. Where darkness was comforting, light was exposing, and this belief is what kept them in dingy motels like these. Silence like the one they were currently experiencing as they walked towards the stairwell, with the echoes of their footsteps bouncing loudly off the walls, would’ve been eerie to the average person. Cyrus Goodman and TJ Kippen weren’t average people.

“Surely there has to be laws surrounding the need for elevators in motels,” TJ mused, glancing back briefly at Cyrus as they began to descend down the stairs.

“There are laws surrounding a lot of things TJ,” came the teasing response.

TJ glanced back at him again, his expression amused, but he didn’t respond otherwise. Silence fell for a minute or so as they continued to descend down the stairs, which had quite apparently been painted a long while ago.

“That store owner from today was pretty cooperative,” TJ mentioned casually, which had Cyrus’ heart leaping in his chest.

“TJ!” he whisper-yelled, wondering to himself why he was shocked by the latter’s recklessness at this point.

Cyrus was one to tread carefully, turn a situation over in his head, calculate his actions to an almost excessive extent. His manipulation, although just as effective as TJ’s, was incredibly subtle. His smiles were sweet and his looks were soft, giving other people the illusion of someone who could be trusted. He took risks - of course he did - but he was always precise and calculated in taking them. If Cyrus was a breeze, washing over people without them realising, then TJ was most definitely fire. There was nothing calculated about the way TJ took risks. It was sporadic; out of nowhere, always stemming from some form of uncontrolled emotion. He was rarely one to think - he just acted, and sometimes Cyrus found himself trying to remember if it had always been like that, or if this was TJ’s way of trying to distance himself from the things he had done.

“I’m just saying! He was probably the most cooperative person we’ve had yet,” TJ continued, keeping his voice somewhat hushed to Cyrus’ relief.

Cyrus just rolled his eyes, knowing well TJ couldn’t see him.

“I can’t believe you,” he huffed out as they approached the door to the main lobby.

Much like all of the doors at that motel, it creaked open loudly as though it hadn’t been tended to in years. They stepped out in a relatively small lobby, with a front counter that was clearly closed up for the night. They walked past the sliding glass doors, only to find that they didn’t budge at all.  

“This place closes up early,” TJ mused.

Cyrus nodded in agreement, spinning around on the spot as he took in his darkened surroundings. If possible, this place was even _less_ lit then the stairwell had been. A fake potted plant had been callously pushed into the corner of the lobby, clearly in attempt to add some element of seeming luxury to the place. Shivers wracked through him then, and he brought his arms up to warm himself as best he could.

“Let’s just get some food and get back upstairs, it’s freezing here,” he complained.

TJ nodded and walked over to the run-down looking vending machine, pushing into another corner of the lobby. “Feel like anything?” he asked as he peered through the glass.

Cyrus just shrugged. “Some chips, maybe?”

TJ nodded again and fished around in his pockets for loose change, pulling some out a moment later and inserting them into the machine. “Number...7,” he mumbled to himself.

Cyrus was lingering a few feet behind him, watching as a bag of chips was slowly released.

“You’re reckless, you know that?” he asked suddenly, prompting TJ to turn around with a smile.

“I do, yeah. You’ve told me,” he responded playfully, stepping up to Cyrus and attempting to reel him in. The latter twirled away from his grasp, which had TJ rolling his eyes fondly.

“You’re gonna get us caught one day doing what you did to that guy,” Cyrus continued, his voice hushed now; more serious.

TJ’s playful smile eased into something more understanding. He stepped forward again, bringing a gentle hand up to cup the side of Cyrus’ face. “Hey. We’re fine okay? You’re just being paranoid.”

“I don’t know, TJ…” he trailed off uncertainly, watching as he walked back over to the vending and collected his bag of chips.

“We’re fine baby, I promise,” TJ repeated, wrapping an arm around Cyrus’ shoulders as they made their way back over to the stairwell. He opened the door, wincing slightly as it creaked open on its hinges.

 

TJ stepped inside, and Cyrus’ heart leapt into his throat when he came to an abrupt, seemingly instinctive halt. His shoulders were tensed, and Cyrus could already feel panic beginning to course through him. He pushed in beside TJ, prepared to face pretty much anyone but the old, frail looking man that was standing there.

Only Cyrus would’ve been able to pick up on the brief panic that flitted across TJ’s face before it was smoothed over with his normal confidence.

“Hello sir,” TJ said conversationally, stepping casually up to the staircase. The man’s eyes were sunken, knowing in a way that had an anxious pit forming in Cyrus’ stomach. He was a lot shorter than both them, slightly hunched over as though standing in itself was an effort for him. Cyrus took a deep, calming breath, following TJ hesitantly up the first few stairs. Adrenaline was kicking in now, with his heart hammering away in his chest and his blood rushing in his ears.

 

_Had he heard them? Surely not._

 

Cyrus was able to maintain his composure until they reached the second flight of stairs, something he had become particularly adept at over the past few years.

It was then that they heard a yell; one that had Cyrus’ blood running cold.

“I know what game you guys are playing!”

The old man’s voice had been so rough; so unsettling, that for a moment Cyrus froze. TJ immediately stepped back down, looking somewhat shocked at the outburst.

“Excuse me?” he asked, his voice heavy with implication. It was his way of saying _‘you might want to rethink what you just said’,_ but it clearly seemed to fall on deaf ears because the man just yelled out again, his eyes bulging dangerously now. The sight only added to the uneasy pit forming in Cyrus’ stomach; one that lingered uncomfortably as he stepped down another few stairs.

“We don’t know what you’re trying to say sir,” he stated calmly, ghosting a hand over TJ’s shoulder as he stepped in front of him.

They could most certainly run away and never look back; the man didn’t look as though he’d be particularly hard to outrun, but the heart-stopping possibility of him telling other people about this incident kept TJ and Cyrus firmly rooted to the spot. They couldn’t risk that in the slightest.

“I heard you two!” the man continued somewhat hysterically, his breathing becoming noticeably laboured.

Cyrus nodded slowly, trying to seem sympathetic. “I’m sorry, I’m really not sure what you think you heard but-”

“I heard you two!”

TJ let out a heavy sigh, exchanging an exasperated glance with Cyrus as he descended down another stair, slowly closing the gap between him and the man.

“Look, we don’t want any trouble-” TJ immediately stopped speaking then, watching intently as the man pulled a phone from his pocket and began tapping away frantically. He brandished it in the air a few moments later as though it was a weapon, and Cyrus’ heart sank as he realised what numbers had likely been dialled into that keypad.

“Okay, you definitely don’t wanna do that,” TJ began, panic cracking his cool exterior slightly as stepped down yet another stair.

It wasn’t often they were faced with unplanned situations like these, but when they were it always a highly stressful experience; more so than what they faced day-to-day.

Silence fell for a moment. The tension in the air was thick, suffocating Cyrus slightly as he stood there, completely unmoving. Despite the man’s yelling, the motel remained eerily silent. Cyrus couldn’t make out many things amongst the darkness apart from TJ and the man, who appeared to be engaging in a staring contest of some kind. His heart was pounding now and his hands were shaking violently, but he didn’t dare move. Or breathe for that matter.

The man hurriedly tapped the call button, yelling frantically into the speaker as it went through, and Cyrus felt his body freeze up for a brief moment. The next few seconds happened so quickly Cyrus barely had time to process anything but the deafening, heart-stopping sound of a gun being fired, followed by the dull thud of a body against the concrete floor. His face twisted from one of shock to one of horror as realised what had happened, tears stinging at his eyes as he was tugged back down the stairs.

 

He hadn’t prepared for this tonight. He had _not_ prepared for this tonight.

 

“We have to go now, okay?” came TJ’s voice a moment later, so gentle in comparison to what he had just done.

Cyrus tried his best to shake himself out of it, unable to respond as he allowed himself to be pulled out of the door and into the lobby. He felt distant from everything around him, felt as though it wasn’t really _him_ pushing the red button and running out of those glass double doors. All he could feel was TJ’s hand in his, providing a warm contrast to his own as they sprinted down the practically deserted sidewalk. Cyrus felt relief flood his system at the realisation that TJ still seemed somewhat level-headed, hurriedly approaching an old-looking model of car parked in a careless fashion on the side of the road.

“Cyrus baby, can I have the bag?” he asked.

He nodded and hastily handed it over, watching as TJ fumblingly unzipped it and began rummaging around inside. The sudden, unmistakable wailing of police sirens disturbed the neighbourhood around them, creating an atmosphere of panic that had TJ frantically grabbing a wooden doorstop from the bag and handing the bag back over to Cyrus. It was freezing out; icy winds were washing over them and tinging their faces red, but neither of them were worried about that in the slightest.

TJ forcefully wedged the doorstop in between the car roof and the door, which was usually something that took multiple attempts, but adrenaline seemed to be on his side because after a few heaves, pushing the palm of hand down against the doorstop, he was able to wrench the car door open with a loud metallic sounding bang. Cyrus moved automatically from there, fuelled entirely by panic as the police sirens grew nearer. He climbed inside and rummaged around for a screwdriver, handing it over to TJ as he entered on the driver’s side.

They were both well aware that jamming a screwdriver into the keyhole would permanently damage it, but they were almost entirely out of options. They were too low on fuel in their previous car to risk going back to it, and they had been due for a new car for what seemed like months. They’d likely only be using this one in particular only once, but that was a consequence they would happily accept; particularly with police sirens looming behind them like an insistent fog as TJ slammed down on the accelerator, driving away from Palace Motel as fast as he possibly could.

Cyrus didn’t relax in the slightest until about half an hour later, when the distant sounds of police sirens had faded into nothing. Once some of his blind panic had subsided, there was room for anger to swell up in chest. TJ’s recklessness could’ve costed them this time, and he honestly wasn’t sure if this had sunk in for him yet.

“You okay?” TJ asked quietly.

There had been silence in the car up until that point, and Cyrus was planning on keeping it that way so he folded his arms stubbornly and looked out the window.

“I know you’re probably mad,” TJ sighed. “But...we got away, right?”

No response. There were more stars beginning to dot the night sky now, but Cyrus couldn’t even fully appreciate the sight because of the anger he could feel bubbling in him, rising in his throat and settling there. That night had been one of the only times since their first that Cyrus had been so impacted by a gunshot that he completely blanked out, following TJ blindly and feeling as though he was moments away from throwing up. Maybe it had just been because of the unexpectedness of it all, but that time had just felt...closer...than the others had.

TJ sighed again, glancing briefly over at Cyrus. “Hey - our next stop is Oceanside Motel. That’s cool, right?”

Cyrus leant his head against the window with a soft thud, letting his eyes fall shut.

“Sure,” he mumbled, and that was the only word TJ received for the next few hours.

 

~

 

“The bastards got away again,” Officer Freemont said with a sigh, leaning back against the police car door as he took another slow drag of his cigarette.

“How?” asked the women stood in front of him, barely concealing her disgust as he exhaled.

“Carjacking most likely. The old man in there got rushed to hospital, but I think he’s a goner. Too much blood loss,” he continued.

She nodded slowly, feeling frustration welling up in her chest at the prospect of another grand escape from the unnamed duo.

“I suppose you’ll be on it then, huh Driscoll?”

She nodded again, a confident smile at the corner of her lips. “Oh yeah. I’m on it.”

 


	2. Oceanside Motel

**Warnings: character death, gun usage**

As the night drew on slowly, the dark blue sky gradually fading into a pitch black, Cyrus tried his best to focus his attention on the stars, taking solace in their beauty. It's something he had always done when he felt overwhelmed, and that moment was no different. He looked out of the small car window, counting the stars, as if that would ease his state of mind. He had opened the window, the cold night wind against his face both comforting and centring him. If he kept his eyes focused on the sky outside, he could make himself forget everything that had just happened. God knew he needed it at that moment.

“Cyrus, babe. Are you awake?” TJ asked, taking the opportunity of an empty road ahead to look at the other man. 

Cyrus gave no indication of having heard him, keeping his arms crossed and eyes trained outside. He shut his eyes forcibly, attempting to block out TJ’s voice. He was the one person Cyrus did not want to interact with at the moment.

TJ saw Cyrus’ reaction and sighed, running his hand through his hair in exhaustion. He turned back towards the road with a sigh. With one hand on the steering wheel, he pulled out the bag of chips they had got from the vending machine at Palace Motel and held it out to Cyrus. 

“Come on, at least eat something.”

Still silence. TJ took a deep breath, trying to keep a cool head and said, “Please just take it. I have another packet for myself. We should be reaching in another hour or two, okay?” 

Without saying a word, Cyrus reached over and took the chip packet, cringing a bit at the noise it made on opening. With all the panic and adrenaline, he hadn't realised how hungry he actually was. That is, until, the saltiness of the chips melting in his mouth made him have to hold back a sigh of happiness. While he was still absolutely furious with TJ, he appreciated the thought.

TJ just looked at Cyrus, his heart twisting a bit, knowing that he had really screwed up. Cyrus really was mad at him - for very good reason. Back in the motel, TJ hadn't thought about what he was doing until he had done it, until the body had hit the floor. But he steadied his breathing and tried to focus on the road ahead, reassuring himself that he had to do it. He was just protecting them. He didn't have much of a choice. And Cyrus knew that.

He did, right?

*

For its promising name, you would expect Oceanside Motel to have a view of the sea, maybe even access to a beach. At the very least, you’d expect it to actually be beside an ocean. However, the motel to which TJ and Cyrus arrived was far from that image. The waterbody next to the motel was more like a dirty pond with stagnant, dead water. Any life form would have quit it in days. But it would have to do. It was just a temporary stop, a refuge for the night. It would be just another place the next morning.

“What’s our story this time? College students doing a road trip? Backpacking friends? A travelling couple?” asked TJ as the car pulled to a stop before the motel.

“Surprise me. It’s something you’re good at,” Cyrus muttered angrily, not even trying to conceal his feelings.

As Cyrus pulled out one of their many IDs from the bag, TJ grabbed his arm, forcing Cyrus to look at him properly for the first time since they shook off the cops. 

“We’re gonna have to act as if we can actually stand each other. Do you think you can do that?” TJ asked, his voice gentle, but hints of annoyance were starting to show.

“Oh, don’t worry about me,” Cyrus said flashing a fake smile at TJ as he pulled his arm away. “I’m a great actor.” With that, Cyrus got out of the car, leaving behind TJ who took a deep breath, resting his head on the back of the car seat in growing frustration. He ran his hand through his hair in an effort to compose himself, before opening the car door and catching up with Cyrus, putting his arm around his shoulder.

They walked up to the main desk, where a middle-aged woman smiled warmly at them and checked them in. All the while they spoke, TJ had his arm around Cyrus’ shoulders, just smiling as Cyrus did all the talking.

“What brings you lovely men to Oceanside Motel so late in the night?” she asked with no suspicion in her voice, just natural curiosity.

“Oh, it’s a funny story, actually. We were supposed to travel further, but someone here decided that burgers and fries would be a good idea to spend 2 hours on,” Cyrus said with a laugh, bumping TJ in the chest.

The woman laughed along, turning back to reach for the keys to their room. “Well, I do hope you enjoy your stay here. It isn’t much, but I try my best.”

“Well, with someone as amazing as you, I’m sure we’re in good hands,” Cyrus said, winking at the woman as he took the keys from her. 

“Thank you,” Cyrus and TJ said as they left the blushing woman to head to their room, their smiles and happy demeanour fading to exhaustion and frustration with each step.

They opened the door to their room, Cyrus dumping his bag on the counter as he collapsed onto the chair near the television. TJ sat on the bed, staring at Cyrus, expecting him to say something. But Cyrus had no intentions of initiating a conversation.

Eventually, he groaned and, head in his hands, TJ said, “Cyrus. You can't do this forever.”

“What are you talking about?” Cyrus replied, his voice curt.

“What is it? Why are you acting like this?” 

“Oh, really? Like you don't know why I'm angry right now.”

TJ sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look, I know what I did was rash and impulsive.”

“We could have gotten away without having to kill him!”

“How do you know that?” TJ said while standing up, his voice growing louder and louder. “He saw us, yeah? What if he described us to the cops?”

“Well, they very nearly got us anyway,” Cyrus said, his voice growing in volume too. He, too, got up and starting moving towards TJ.

“I had to do it. You know I had to.”

“No, you didn't. But of course, you did it anyway, because you’re impulsive and you don't think anything through. In fact, if you ever did, I’m pretty sure it’d kill you.”

“I did it for us, okay? Do you think I wanted to kill him? But I had to do it. I was protecting us!” TJ yelled back, turning away from Cyrus, hand on his forehead.

Cyrus scoffed at that, taking another step towards TJ. “Protecting us?” 

TJ’s head lifted, turning to Cyrus, shocked into silence by Cyrus’ tone. Cyrus took another step towards him, his voice quiet, his eyes narrowed.

“Like you did when we were 17?”

*

**_6 years ago_ **

_ “Honestly, at this point, you should get a medal for somehow managing to sneak out of the house every night,” Cyrus whispered, laughing quietly as TJ jumped out of his window to the ground.  _

_ “Well, years of practice manage to make it easier,” TJ whispered back, jogging up to Cyrus and pulling him in for a quick kiss. With only streetlights illuminating their surroundings, Cyrus’ face was lit by a soft glow, his smile warming TJ’s heart. A very welcome warmth that TJ could very much use more of. _

_ “Shall we?” TJ asked, holding out his elbow to Cyrus.  _

_ “We shall,” Cyrus replied, grabbing onto it, leaning in first to give TJ a kiss on the cheek.  _

_ As they walked down the silent streets, the cold night air on their faces felt like a comfort, a reprieve from their lives. Their hands were entwined as they talked about nothing in particular. After a while, Cyrus looked up at TJ, curious. _

_ “How’s Amber doing? Heard she was having a rough time after the thing with her and Andi,” Cyrus asked, stopping. _

_ “She’s holding up as well as you’d expect,” TJ replied, looking down as he spoke. He could still hear Amber’s quiet, muffled sobs as he had crawled out of the window to meet Cyrus. He had even gone to her room to check on her, saying he could tell Cyrus to come the next day, but Amber wouldn’t have any of it.  _

_ “Go out there and meet your boyfriend, you idiot,” Amber had whispered in a broken voice. “Besides, I should probably get it together and sleep. Wouldn’t want dad hearing me now, would I?” she said with a hollow laugh and a quiet sniffle as she pushed TJ out of her room. _

_ “Shit,” Cyrus whispered. “That sucks.” _

_ “Yeah,” TJ said with a sigh. “How’s Andi?” _

_ “I don’t know. She wouldn’t let me or Buffy in. Pretty sure she’s crafting herself to death.” _

_ “God.” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ They walked in silence for a while, the conversation having hit a low. Cyrus looked ahead, spotting a 7/11 ahead of them. He grabbed TJ’s hand tighter, his face breaking out in a big smile as he pulled him forward. _

_ “Cy, baby,” TJ said, laughing at his sudden enthusiasm. “What are you doing?” _

_ “Come on,” Cyrus whined, looking back at TJ as he dragged him along. “I’m in the mood for slushies.” _

_ “And where do you have the money for it?” _

_ Cyrus just reached into his pocket pulling out a wallet, a smirk on his face. TJ’s face, however, fell as concern came over his eyes. _

_ “Cyrus, where did you..?” _

_ “I’ve been saving up,” Cyrus cut in, reassuring TJ. “And maybe, I did take some from my mum.” _

_ “Cyrus!” _

_ “What? It isn’t so much that she’d notice,” Cyrus defended. “Not that she notices anything I do,” he added in a low mutter, almost inaudible to TJ. _

_ TJ rolled his eyes, still unconvinced. Cyrus sighed, wrapping his arms around TJ’s neck.  _

_ “Come on. Let’s just not think about our shitty home lives and let me just enjoy a slushy and some time with my boyfriend,” he said, leaning in to give TJ a quick peck on the lips.  _

_ TJ eventually smiled, leaning in for another kiss, before grabbing Cyrus’ hand and walking into the 7/11. _

_ 10 minutes later, armed with two slushies, Cyrus and TJ walked out of the store, laughing as they continued down the street, away from the busier part of their neighbourhood. As they strolled down the street, TJ pulled Cyrus back by the hand, pulling him in for a kiss under the streetlights. Cyrus smiled into it, sighing contentedly as he wrapped his arms around TJ’s neck. Everything was perfect.  _

_ Until it wasn’t. _

_ “Well, well, well. Isn’t this touching?” _

_ The voice cut through the dimly lit street, causing the two to pull away from each other. Cyrus felt his heart drop into a pit in his stomach, extremely familiar with the voice that had just spoken. TJ looked at Cyrus in concern, turning to face the direction where the voice had come from. _

_ “Who’s there? Who is it?” TJ asked, stepping forward. _

_ “Ouch, Cyrus. Not even a mention? I’m hurt. Especially after everything we’d been through,” the voice said, coming closer. A boy roughly TJ’s height walked into the light. He had dark hair and brown eyes, a smirk on his face. And in his hand was a pistol. _

_ “What do you want, Lester?” Cyrus said, trying to seem strong, but his voice was shaky and small. He kept his eyesight down, desperately trying to avoid looking the other boy in the eyes. _

_ “Oh, nothing,” Lester said, walking closer to the pair, twirling the pistol in his hand. TJ looked down at Cyrus, shocked to see him so tense and almost frightened. He reached out to hold Cyrus’ hand, but Cyrus pushed it away, stepping behind TJ. TJ was all the more concerned, but now, looking back and forth between Cyrus’ terrified eyes and Lester’s sly and cunning smirk, he felt something else. _

_ Rage. Burning rage. _

_ “What do you want with us?” TJ asked, his voice tight as he tried to control his boiling anger, trying to keep a calm appearance for Cyrus’ sake. _

_ Lester laughed mockingly, the sound grating against TJ’s ears like nails on a chalkboard. He tried to keep his breathing even, stepping in front of Cyrus towards Lester.  _

_ “I just wanted to see Cyrus,” Lester said, his eyes gleaming. “Is that so wrong?” he asked, pouting. _

_ “What if I don’t want to see you?” Cyrus asked, his voice still shaky as he looked up at Lester for the first time, immediately regretting that decision when he saw the satisfied look on his face. _

_ “Now, you know that isn’t true Cy,” Lester said, laughing. “Cuz if it was, you two would have walked away from me by now.” _

_ Cyrus scoffed weakly. Making a decision, he grabbed TJ’s hand and said, “You’re right. That’s what we’re gonna do. Come on, TJ,” he said, pulling TJ in the opposite direction. _

_ However, as soon as they turned to walk away, they heard the unmistakable cocking of a gun and froze. Slowly, TJ turned around, followed by Cyrus to see that Lester was holding up the pistol. And his aim was straight at TJ’s head.  _

_ “I wouldn’t move if I were you,” Lester sneered, his grip tightening on the trigger.  _

_ TJ was shocked into immobility, staring right into the barrel. Cyrus, however, was outraged.  _

_ “Are you out of your fucking mind, Lester? What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” _

_ “Oh Cyrus,” Lester laughed bitterly. “I’ve missed you. You know, when we were together, I did nothing but love you. And you just left me like trash.” _

_ “Whatever it was, that wasn’t love,” Cyrus said, his voice barely louder than a whisper. “You were horrible to me.” _

_ Lester sighed, pointing forward with the pistol. “You know, that was always your problem. Seeing the worst in everything I did. I was the bad guy. When all I wanted was for you to be mine, what was best for you. But you left me, after everything I did for you. And all for him,” Lester said, so close he pushed the barrel of the gun into TJ’s forehead. Cyrus held his breath, trying to be brave, but his heart was beating erratically at the uncertainty of the situation. _

_ Lester laughed at Cyrus’ terrified expression. “Can’t believe you’re still so weak. Oh well, this ought to toughen you up,” he said, holding the gun up to TJ’s head much to Cyrus’ dismay. Lester took one last look at Cyrus.  _

_ “Cuz you see, Cyrus? I’m the only person who can ever truly get into your head.” _

_ That sentence hit Cyrus hard as tears stood still in his eyes. Because it was true. Even after all those months, after everything that had happened, Lester still had Cyrus’ mind and heart in his hand, controlling it as he saw fit, still making Cyrus doubt everything. So he just closed his eyes, flinching away from the inevitable as he heard the ‘click’ of the gun. He was prepared for what was going to happen, for Lester to scare them and walk away, leaving their relationship in pieces around him. _

_ But he could never have predicted what actually happened. _

_ It all felt like a blur, but it also felt like time had come to a standstill. All Cyrus knew was that one second, Lester had his gun to TJ’s head, his mocking laugh echoing in Cyrus’ ears, and the next, there was a gunshot and he was on the ground, motionless. And TJ stood over him, gun in his hand, his finger still on the trigger. _

_ Cyrus’ eyes went wide as his heart rate accelerated, his breathing growing shallow. Cyrus’ hand went involuntarily to his throat, his surroundings growing exceedingly dull. He stepped back a few steps, stumbling over his own feet, as he desperately tried to tear his eyes away. But he couldn’t. _

_ “What did you do?” Cyrus wanted to scream, but the words were stuck in his throat and no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t produce a sound.  _

_ TJ’s breathing was growing heavy, still clutching the gun in his hand as he looked around, trying to see if anyone had seen them. Luckily, the streets seemed deserted, and in their neighbourhood, gunshot noises were as common as crickets chirping. He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes wild. Finally, he turned around to look at Cyrus, and Cyrus, still in shock, looked back at him. _

_ “Cyrus,” TJ whispered, his voice shaky and anxious. “Cyrus, we have to do something. We can’t leave him here,” he said, gesturing down, his mannerisms conveying desperation.  _

_ “No, no,” Cyrus whispered, moving away from TJ, shaking his head. The world seemed to sway and tilt around him, his feet unsteady.  _

_ “Cyrus,” TJ said, grabbing Cyrus’ shoulders, forcing him to look at him. “I know you’re scared and in shock. I am too, believe me. But we can’t stay here. If they find us,” TJ started, his voice cracking, as he brought up a hand to wipe his mouth, fear evident in his eyes. _

_ Cyrus gulped, his mouth dry, as he tried to get his thoughts to just stop. He looked at Lester’s body for the first time, and suddenly, it was as if he was on autopilot. He took the gun from TJ’s hand, wiping it of prints with his shirt, and dumped it in a dumpster in the nearby alleyway.  _

_ “Cyrus, what are you-” TJ started to ask confused, but Cyrus interrupted him. _

_ “Help me carry him into the alley,” he said, his voice monotone, as if it wasn’t really him talking. TJ just looked at him and complied. The two of them carried Lester and placed him in the alley, hoping that when someone did find him, they would assume gang violence. A plausible enough situation for Lester, Cyrus thought bitterly. All the while as they cleaned up any evidence of them being there, Cyrus felt as if it wasn’t him doing all those things. It was as if he was above everything, watching himself clean up the slushy cups and remove fingerprints. He didn’t remember walking back to his house with TJ, the silence between them tense. He didn’t remember hugging TJ as tight as he could before he quietly crept into his house so as to not wake and anger his mother. He didn’t remember any of it and hoped that it meant that maybe, just maybe, it was all just a bad dream. _

_ The only remnants of TJ and Cyrus on that street were the spilt liquid from their Blue Raspberry slushies, now tinged purple. _

*

TJ was stunned into silence, taken aback at Cyrus’ words. The look of hurt on his face as the memories of 6 years ago came flooding back almost made Cyrus feel bad about bringing it up. Almost.

“I had no other choice. I was protecting us,” TJ said, his voice tense and low. His hands were balled into fists as he looked at Cyrus.

“And look where we are now,” Cyrus said, gesturing to their surroundings. 

“He was an asshole, not just at that time. Even before that. He hurt you, Cy,” TJ said, his words tremulous.

“You don’t think I know that, better than anyone?” Cyrus said, stepping towards TJ. “But that doesn’t mean he deserved to die!” he said, dangerously close to yelling.

TJ looked out the window in alarm, before turning back towards Cyrus. “He was ready to shoot us that night!”

“He wouldn’t have done anything. It was just to scare us.”

“You don’t know that, do you?”

Cyrus tried to say something back, but he couldn’t find the words. Because the truth was, a part of Cyrus knew that it was very possible Lester would have hurt them that night. That one way or the other, all three of them wouldn’t have walked away from that street.

TJ took his silence as confirmation, “I knew it,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Cyrus turned around, his hand pressed to his forehead as he sank into the chair, a pounding headache making its presence known behind his temples. 

“It still doesn’t justify what happened,” Cyrus said, barely audible.

“You don’t think I know that?” TJ asked, turning to Cyrus, now exasperated. “But what else could I have done? Just let him shoot me? Or worse, let him shoot you?”

“Well, we could have started with walking away from him!” Cyrus said, no longer in the mood to continue the argument. All he wanted to do was go to sleep, and preferably not look at or talk to TJ for the next 3 days.

“You know, sometimes,” TJ said, narrowing his eyes. “I can’t bear to be in the same room as you.”

Two can play that game, Cyrus thought to himself, looking up at TJ, his vision red. “Well, sometimes, I wish I never sneaked out of the house to meet you that night.”

TJ took a step closer, his breathing heavy, his fists balled. “Sometimes, you’re so whiny and annoying it drives me crazy,” he said, his words growing louder and louder.

“And sometimes, I can’t tell the difference between you and Lester!” Cyrus yelled.

TJ was taken aback, and he staggered backwards, his eyes wide in shock. Cyrus covered his mouth with his hand, tears in his eyes. He hadn’t meant that at all, aiming to just hurt TJ. But he had gone too far. Way too far. And now he couldn’t take it back.

Suddenly, a knock on the door made the two jump, Cyrus looking in horror at the door. Had someone heard what they had said?

TJ walked up to the door, slowly opening it. Cyrus came behind him, his heart in his throat.

“Hi. I just heard some yelling. Is everything okay?” It was the lady from the main desk, concern written all over her face. She gave no indication that she had heard anything that had just been said. He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. 

“No, no. Everything’s fine,” TJ said, resting against the doorframe. “Just regular arguments, you know?”

“Oh yeah, I understand. Lovers’ spat, eh?” the woman said, laughing awkwardly. 

“Something like that,” Cyrus said, giving a stiff chuckle.

After a moment of awkward silence, the lady clapped her hands together. “Anyway, thank god everything’s okay! I’ll leave you be now,” the lady said, giving a warm smile before walking away, TJ closing the door after she left. 

After the lady had gone, the room fell back into a tense silence. Cyrus couldn’t bear to look TJ in the eyes, afraid of what he would see. Instead, he just walked over to the bed, taking a blanket and pillow, and moved to the chair, all in dead silence. 

“Cyrus. I-” TJ started, his voice softer than before.

“Good night, TJ,” Cyrus said, his voice just a shaky whisper as he propped up the pillow on the chair and wrapped the blanket around him, closing his eyes to try and sleep. TJ looked like he wanted to say something more, but decided against it, simply nodding and getting into bed, turning off the lamp beside him. 

A few minutes later, Cyrus opened his eyes. Seeing TJ fast asleep, he reached across to his bag, pulling out his camera. In the dim light of his lamp, he took a picture of TJ, wincing a bit at the noise the camera made. But after a few moments of no reaction, Cyrus was sure that TJ was fast asleep.

“I didn’t mean it,” Cyrus whispered, hoping against hope that TJ had heard him. But he couldn’t have. He sighed, putting away the camera, and tugged the blanket around him, shutting his eyes.

All he wanted right now was some rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, Smriti here! Hope you liked this chapter! (It was hard to make Lester such a horrible person but i had to do it)  
> Let me and Sarah know what you guys think about it!


	3. The Dealing Tree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> I have nothing to say for myself.
> 
> Here's the chapter!
> 
> Warnings: non-graphic depictions of crime, death and violence, gun usage, nightmares

_Jefferson High was an intimidating looking place, with it’s cracked brick and it’s tall metal fences, towering over the students as they walked inside. It was located on the busiest street in the neighbourhood, littered by potholes and tired looking parks with rusted play equipment. It wasn’t rare that Cyrus had a nervous pit in his stomach upon entering, but over the next week he couldn’t shake off a feeling of dread. Not even TJ’s reassuring glances toward him could calm his nerves as he walked in on that particular day, looking about distractedly as he went._

_“They know,” he mumbled, already on the verge of hysterics._

_TJ calmly shook his head, briefly taking Cyrus’ hand to give it a reassuring squeeze._

_“Cyrus. Listen to me, okay? They don’t. We’re going to be fine."_

_The words, although easing some of his panic, didn’t do anything to still his wildly beating heart._

_Buffy and Andi approached them then, smiling blindly, no clue whatsoever about the secret TJ and Cyrus had spent the last week desperately trying to bury._

_“Hey boys,” said Andi, looping an arm over Cyrus’ shoulder._

_Buffy squeezed between him and TJ, looking over at Cyrus with increasing concern._

_“You okay, Cy? You kind of look like you’ve seen a ghost.”_

_It was just a saying, but somehow it still managed to rattle Cyrus. He had been getting repeated nightmares about Lester, to the point where he wouldn’t be surprised if his ghost had somehow came back to haunt him._

_Guilt wracked him whenever he thought about that night, the deserted alleyway etched stubbornly into his brain, filling him with panic whenever it came into his conscious._

_“I’m fine,” he managed weakly, not convincing Buffy at all if her worried glance towards Andi was any indicator._

_The subject was dropped soon enough in favour of discussion about subjects and college courses, which didn’t do much to ease Cyrus’ mind either with Buffy constantly mentioning the criminology course she wanted to get a scholarship for._

_They separated when they arrived at their locker bay, Cyrus and TJ lingering behind as the girls continued on._

_Cyrus’ eyes swept over his locker for a moment. The telltale dents from having been kicked one too many times were all there, graffiti too, and-_

_“TJ,” he whispered, tone urgent._

_The boy’s gaze fell upon what Cyrus was staring at, horror written all over his face._

_“It’s just a note, babe,” he mumbled back, plucking the paper from the grates in Cyrus’ locker and unfolding it._

_Cyrus watched as his face went from neutral, to concerned, to furious all while glancing about madly in a way he knew would’ve probably looked suspicious._

_He shoved the note into Cyrus’ hands, opening the boy’s locker in the most casual way possible._

 

_ Dear Cyrus and TJ.  _

_ You don’t know who I am, but I know you are. _

_ And I know what you’ve done.  _

_ Meet me by the dealing tree at lunch or I expose your secret to everyone - including the cops.  _

 

_Cyrus had to refrain from having a meltdown right then and there, his hands shaking violently and his mind reeling as he shoved the note back over to TJ, taking a moment or two to glare up at the ceiling._

_He focused on the sounds of the pattering rain for a moment, trying hard to centre himself._

_“Cyrus,” TJ murmured, and he felt hands rest gently on his shoulders, rubbing back and forth soothingly. “Don’t panic, okay? We’ll deal with this. We’ll meet this person at lunch and see what they want.”_

_“I...I can’t do this,” Cyrus choked out, eyes filled with tears as his gaze fell on TJ again._

_“I know, babe. I know. It’ll be a quick thing, okay? Promise.”_

_Cyrus inhaled deeply, letting the cool air fill his lungs, before exhaling and nodding._

_“Okay.”_

_The next few periods crept by at an agonisingly slow pace. Cyrus has his eyes glued to the clock almost every second as it ticked away in the background, unnoticed by the others in his classroom. The rain fell in bursts, picking up suddenly and subsiding almost just as quickly. It was freezing inside, but Cyrus was so preoccupied he could barely focus on that._

_His heart was pounding as he approached the dealing tree, tucked away behind shrubbery in the very corner of the school grounds. It was a place he had never dared approach before due to its reputation as a drug-dealing site, and he found his grip on TJ’s hand tightening anxiously as they fought past the shrubs and stepped up to the small tree that stood there._

_They waited in silence, not moving despite the occasional splatters of rain that fell down on them._

_Cyrus took a breath in, then a breath out. In. Out. In. Out. In-_

_“I’m glad you guys showed.”_

_They whirled around in shock, only to find that a boy who Cyrus recognised as having graduated last year was climbing over the wired fence, dropping down in front of them soon enough with a soft thud._

_Cyrus swallowed thickly and let go of TJ’s hand._

_“No need,” said the boy, smiling as he pulled an envelope from the pocket of his hoodie. “I’m cool with that stuff.”_

_“...That stuff?” TJ inquired, an eyebrow raised in question._

_“You know - that gay stuff,” he supplied, as though it was obvious._

_Cyrus nodded slowly, his blood rushing in his ears as he hesitantly took the envelope that was being offered._

_With shaky hands, he fumblingly managed to tear off the tape and open it, glancing worriedly up at TJ as he pulled out its contents._

_He felt like throwing up when his eyes landed on them._

_“Pictures,” he choked out, shoving them into TJ’s hands. He could barely look at them without feeling guilt begin to claw violently at his insides, rising in his throat and settling there._

_TJ scanned over them for a moment, his eyes sliding shut. Cyrus braced himself for an explosive outburst of some kind, but it never came, and for some reason that seemed to unsettle him even more._

_“Those photos are incriminating, and I have copies,” said the boy, sounding scarily business-like. “I won’t rat you two out, but it’s going to cost you.”_

_TJ swallowed. “How much?”_

_“Four thousand.”_

_Cyrus wanted to cry._

_“Four_ thousand? _Where the everloving_ fuck _do you think we’re going to get our hands on four thousand?” TJ demanded, which had Cyrus instinctively resting a placating hand on his shoulder._

_“You seem like smart dudes, I’m sure you’ll figure it out. That’s my final offer, and I’m not going to lower it. I’ll give you a month. Do we have a deal?”_

_Fighting back the tears that were stinging at his eyes, Cyrus stepped in front of TJ and solemnly held out a hand._

_“It’s a deal,” he agreed, voice slightly hoarse._

_“Cyrus are you fucking_ insane?! _”_

_“Go! Please just go, it’s a deal okay? We’ll have four thousand in a month.”_

_The boy grinned and nodded, briefly shaking his hand before climbing gracefully back over the fence and leaving Cyrus standing there, completely numb._

_“Four. Thousand. Fucking. Dollars,” TJ managed through gritted teeth, looking after the boy with a scowl. “That bastard-“_

_“TJ,” Cyrus interrupted, turning around to face the boy. “In case it hadn’t sunk in for you yet, we’re_ criminals _now. And_ you’re _a murderer. We aren’t exactly innocent either, so we might as well play his game. If we don’t, we’re fucked.”_

_TJ’s scowl softened. He stepped up to Cyrus and wrapped the boy up in a tight hug, noticeably shaking._

_“How are we going to get four thousand dollars?” he asked, voice wavering._

_“We’ll find a way,” Cyrus assured, melting right into the hug and burying his face in the crook of TJ’s neck._

_Deep down, a part of him knew they would never be able to, but he managed to push that part of him aside and focus on the rhythmic rise and fall of TJ’s chest._

 

_~_

 

_He heard a step. Then another. Then another after that, which prompted him to move ever so slightly from his position, squinting as his eyes adjusted._

_Cyrus recognised TJ’s outline amongst the darkness almost instantly, hovering by the edge of the bed, clearly oblivious to the fact that he wasn’t the only one awake._

_He froze as the boy slowly bent down to retrieve something from the ground, straightening again and gently padding his way over to the door._

_Cyrus remained perfectly still as the door opened with a low creek, before gently closing again with a thud._

What was TJ doing?

_Somewhat groggily, he managed to untangle himself from the bedcovers and sit up, his senses immediately attuned to the slightest signs of movement around him._

Probably just getting cereal, _he thought to himself with a soft laugh as he slowly made his way over to the door and opened it, stepping hesitantly out into the narrow hallway and heading towards the kitchen._

_He came to an abrupt halt before turning the corner, his heart beginning to pound as he peeked around at the front door. TJ was stepping outside into the cool evening air, and Cyrus was at a loss as to why._

_Something in his gut told him that he shouldn’t make his presence known just yet, but he didn’t exactly want to leave TJ to his own devices either so he hurriedly shrugged on a coat and slipped on some shoes before stepping out after him, listening intently for any signs of movement around the house._

_There didn’t seem to be any after a few moments, so he gently closed the front door behind him and began heading in the direction he had seen TJ leave._

_He was well aware that his behaviour would probably look odd to someone from the outside looking in, but he really did just want to make sure TJ wasn’t getting himself into trouble somehow - they already had enough of that to deal with for a lifetime._

_The wind became biting almost right away, washing over him with a cold intensity that had Cyrus tugging at his coat and folding his arms tightly across his chest._

_He managed to remain on TJ’s trail for about 10 minutes, during which he repeatedly considered just forgetting about it and turning around to go home, but curiosity managed to get the better of him._

_TJ had a large black coat on, walking hurriedly through the darkness in a way that had an uneasy pit forming in Cyrus’ stomach. The street lamps were on, meaning he only got occasional glimpses of the boy before he was swallowed by darkness again._

_He didn’t have a good feeling about this._

_TJ came to an abrupt halt right outside an abandoned looking house, with boarded up windows, litter everywhere, and various smashed bottles scattered along the concrete. The grass was wild and unkempt, and the front door seemed to be about 2 seconds away from caving in._

_Cyrus held his breath and hid around a fence, heart racing as he glanced around to find TJ hesitantly approaching the house, his footsteps crunching loudly and breaking up the silence around them. Looking closely, it almost seemed as though TJ was shaking, and suddenly Cyrus felt like sprinting over and asking what the hell was going on._

_He refrained though, mostly due to the fear that was coursing through him, keeping him firmly rooted to the stop._

_The frail-looking wooden door creaked open, and soon enough TJ was inside._

 

_Silence._

 

_There was howling wind and the occasional screeching bird, but no sound whatsoever came from that house - or any of the other houses for that matter - over the next fifteen minutes._

_Cyrus began psyching himself up to go inside, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking out his limbs._

_He had no idea what TJ was doing, but he had to know._

_Cyrus took one step. Then another. Then another, dry leaves crunching beneath his feet as he slowly approached the house. His stomach was tying itself into knots._

_He froze when he heard a sudden outbreak of shouting, followed by the distinct sound of a gunshot, ringing out throughout the neighbourhood. Then another two right after each other, just as piercing and dizzying as the first._

_Cyrus could barely breathe._

_After a minute or so the front door creaked open, exposing- no. No. No. No._

_This wasn’t supposed to happen. This never happened!_

_“Your boyfriend just learnt a valuable lesson about messing with the wrong people,” said the boy, dressed just like he had been days prior._

_Cyrus stood there, unmoving, the words echoing about in his mind endlessly._

_“No,” he choked out, staggering backwards. “This wasn’t what - I - what happened to him? What the fuck happened to him?!”_

_Blood was rushing in his ears. Tears were filling his eyes. Nothing felt even close to being real._

_“Cyrus,” said the boy, and only then did he notice the blood was was splattered all over his clothes._

_“No! This isn’t what happened!” he yelled out, voice slightly hoarse as he buried his face in his hands._

_“Cyrus, listen to me okay? You have to wake up.”_

_Cyrus slowly lifted his head again in confusion, giving the boy a blank look._

_“You have to wake up. Cyrus, wake up!”_

 

The voice had morphed into TJ’s somewhere along the line, and suddenly Cyrus was sitting upright in his hotel bed, face pale, completely covered in sweat.

“It wasn’t real,” he heard TJ murmur beside him.

Cyrus just shook his head frantically.

“Babe, look at me.”

He immediately obliged, looking over at TJ with wide eyes. The man cautiously brought a hand up to Cyrus’ face, brushing away a few strands of hair that had flattened against his forehead.

“Name 5 things in this room.”

Cyrus took a deep breath, collapsing into TJ’s side as he glanced around.

“The...the sink, my camera, the lamp, our essentials bag and the counter,” he said quietly, still shaken.

TJ nodded, wrapping an around him. “None of it was real.”

Cyrus let out a breath he didn’t even realise he was holding, snuggling into TJ’s side. They remained that way for a few moments, TJ rubbing soothing circles onto his shoulder, before Cyrus spoke up.

“I had a dream that...you were the one who died in that house,” he said, voice wavering.

TJ let out a shaky exhale, pulling him in closer.

“I didn’t. Only the guy did,” he assured.

“I know. But...It just seemed so real...I haven’t had something like that in ages.”

TJ nodded, pressing a kiss to his hair. “It’s over now. Let’s hope you don’t get another one for a while,” he mumbled.

Cyrus nodded, shifting slightly to climb onto TJ’s lap and wrap his arms around him, sending them both tumbling down onto the bed.

“Oops,” he whispered, looking down TJ with an apologetic smile.

“No problem,” TJ grinned back, seemingly grateful to see Cyrus smiling again.

They fell silent again for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” Cyrus murmured, resting his face against TJ’s chest. “I really didn’t mean it. Like - at all. I was just mad.”

“I’m sorry too,” said TJ, running his fingers through Cyrus’ hair. “I don’t actually get tired of you that often.”

Cyrus couldn’t help but laugh slightly at that, raising his head again and giving him a playful smack on the arm. “Rude.”

He rolled off of TJ, settling down beside him instead.

“Think you’re gonna be able to get to sleep again?” TJ mumbled, fingers trailing soothingly up and down Cyrus’ arm.

“Probably not,” he whispered back.

TJ nodded. “Wanna talk instead?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus breathed out gratefully, throwing an arm over TJ’s chest. “That’d be nice.”

 

~

 

Cyrus was buzzing as he stood there at the petrol station, adrenaline already coursing through his veins. He could feel himself overheating slightly in his black get-up, completed with a black ski mask and black leather gloves, but he didn’t dare take any of it off.

A few days of laying low and focusing on getting a new car had passed by now. They were growing increasingly restless doing next to nothing all day, so this was a breath of fresh air (quite literally) for both of them. A cool breeze washed over them every time the sliding doors opened, and Cyrus let out a small sigh of relief every time they did.

The plan had been simple. Visit a petrol station in the middle of nowhere at 1am - right around closing time for this particular station - get their hands on some money, ideally through some minor threats, grab some supplies and book it out of there.

TJ was usually the one to concentrate on the confrontation aspect of their plans, but the young supervisor didn’t seem to be putting up much of a fight whatsoever.

“I’m so fucking done with this job,” he muttered to no one in particular, watching as TJ raided the cash register for at least half of the cash inside, sitting back with folded arms. “I’m moving next chance I get.”

Cyrus smiled slightly despite his nerves, rushing about the station to grab food supplies and stuff them into a large bag they had brought along with them.

TJ kept his gun out despite the supervisor’s indifference, glancing over at Cyrus occasionally to make sure he was still okay.

It was a quick operation, it always was, and after about 3 minutes they were headed for the entrance again. Cyrus grabbed a magazine and some toothpaste on the way out, while TJ just grabbed a cheesy-looking baseball cap with the words ‘where’s my coffee?’ stamped across it.

“You’re so dumb,” Cyrus told him as soon as they were out of earshot, breath slightly laboured as they booked it to their car.

It was freezing even for an autumn night, with both of their cheeks tinged red from the biting cold. The car door handle was cool against his skin as he pried it open, hastily dumping their bags inside and clambering in. TJ ripped off his ski mask and his gloves, tossing them onto the backseat before starting the car and pressing down on the accelerator.

Cyrus watched through the rear mirror as the petrol station became yet another place to them.

“That was good,” he panted once he had torn his own ski mask off, pulling his baggy black shirt over his head to reveal a blue one underneath.

“It was,” TJ agreed, sending him a wide smile.

He wasn’t exactly sure how long they drove down that highway, but by the time they pulled over into an abandoned looking strip with grassy hills as far as the eye could see, the first glimpses of sunlight were showing in the sky.

A smile lit up Cyrus’ face as he jumped out of the car, grabbing his camera from the backseat and walking out into the open field to snap a few pictures. TJ shook his head and walked around to the boot of the car, watching fondly as Cyrus attempted to get the right angle.

He rummaged around for a few blankets before closing it again, opening the backdoor to grab some of the sandwiches they had taken.

“Breakfast!” he called teasingly, which had Cyrus sending him a playful glare. He lingered in the field to take a few more pictures, before lowering his camera and trudging through the grass again to approach the car.

“Inside or outside?” TJ asked.

The look that had crossed Cyrus’ face upon hearing the word ‘Outside’ seemed to be enough of an answer, because he laughed slightly and reached over to open the backdoor.

“After you.”

Cyrus gave him a sarcastic smile, climbing into the backseat and looking over at TJ expectantly.

The man just laughed, throwing a blanket over Cyrus before joining him. He shuffled right over to Cyrus, pulling him in as close as physically possible and handing him one of the sandwiches.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, snuggling into TJ’s side for warmth. TJ playfully knocked Cyrus’ head with his own, bringing an arm up to wrap around Cyrus’ shoulders.

“Anytime.”

That’s how they remained for next half hour; cuddled together in the back of their car, eating sandwiches and watching the sun rise through their window. Soon enough, the sky was painted with varying pinks and oranges, and Cyrus found himself almost completely entranced.

“It’s pretty, but you know what’s prettier?” TJ mumbled.

Cyrus rolled his eyes slightly, looking over at him. “I don’t know TJ, what’s prettier?”

“You.”

Cyrus snorted and gave him a playful shove. “That was so lame.”

“More like ‘smooth as hell.’" 

“Sure,” said Cyrus, leaning his head on TJ’s shoulder. “Smooth as hell.”


	4. Riverrun Motel

"How much for this piece of work?" TJ asked, lowering his sunglasses to look at the dark blue car before him. The attendant glanced over at the car, noting the excessive dents and shoddy repainting, but the still decently working engine, and sighed. 

"Like, a thousand bucks?"

TJ looked over at Cyrus who was holding the bag. He turned back to the attendant. "And if we exchange it for our car?"

The attendant shrugged unenthusiastically. "Still like a three hundred and fifty balance."

TJ turned back with a nod and Cyrus came forward, holding out the balance amount in cash. The attendant looked between the two men, and then down at the money, raising his eyebrows. 

"Been a while since someone handed only cash for this amount," He said. 

TJ just scoffed. "Just take the fucking money and give me the keys."

"Okay, okay dude. Chill out," He said, holding out the keys and taking the money, heading back into the shack where the office was. “And can I ask who’s buying it?”

Cyrus just smirked, climbing into the car. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

TJ turned back, smiling at Cyrus, and within 10 minutes, they were cruising down the highway, the sun high in the sky but the wind still cool. Cyrus opened the window, resting his head against the door, the wind hitting his face as he closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling. TJ removed his sunglasses, looking at Cyrus with a smile as he drove ahead. 

"Where to now, babe?" TJ asked, as Cyrus pulled out the road map he had. 

"How about," Cyrus said as he glanced over the map, before pointing at a place. "Riverrun Motel, 100 miles away."

TJ nodded, looking ahead as Cyrus gave him directions for where to go. They reached the motel within 3 hours, a decent place, as decent as roadside motels get. By that, the paint on the walls was still mostly there, despite a few cracks here and there. And the poles didn’t seem too rusted. The man at the front desk barely threw them a second glance. 

“How many rooms?” he asked, not even looking up.

“Just one,” Cyrus started, before looking up at the TV screen behind him and stopping short.

“How come?” the man asked, peering from below the brim of his cap.

TJ looked expectantly at Cyrus to continue, but Cyrus just stared at the screen. So TJ cleared his throat. “Um, just, low on funds right?”

Cyrus wasn’t just staring into the blank space. The channel was tuned into the news. And the news was of the store they had 'visited' last night. 

Seeing the news reports, banners and video interviews of the supervisor, Cyrus could feel his heart start to pick up in rate. He kept his eyes on the screen, letting TJ handle the conversation for that day. He saw some police mill about the background, catching sight of one of the officers. 

_ They looked incredibly familiar? But there was no way he could have known them.  _

The supervisor was trying to describe him and TJ, but 'two young men, one brown haired and one blonde' was luckily not the most substantial of police descriptions. But that didn't mean Cyrus was calm. His palms were starting to get sweaty while TJ grabbed the keys from the owner, whose only acknowledgement of their existence as they left was a nod, as he continued to play with his Rubik's cube. 

As the two climbed up the stairs to their room, Cyrus couldn't help but keep turning back to look over his shoulder, irrational paranoia wrapping its hands around his neck. TJ noticed Cyrus’ jittery air, narrowing his eyes as he squeezed his hand. Cyrus smiled at him, but it didn’t really reach his eyes.

When they reached their room, TJ dropped their bag on the counter, collapsing onto the bed, groaning as he hid his head in the pillow. Cyrus shook his head, smiling, as he pulled out his camera and clicked a picture of TJ, who had turned around at the sound of the click. He just stared at Cyrus deadpanned, who was trying to control his smile.

TJ sighed, sitting up. “Last run was good, dude probably just wanted to sleep.”

Cyrus just hummed, the mention of the supervisor sending him back into thought. TJ raised an eyebrow, getting up. He walked up to Cyrus, grabbing him by the wrist. “Hey, are you okay?”

“We need new masks,” Cyrus said suddenly, cutting TJ off. TJ laughed slightly, moving back a bit.

“What? No, we don’t. These ones are fine.”

“But we’ve been seen in them. If we get new ones, we won’t be traced back to the last one,” Cyrus said, trying to reason it out with TJ. In truth, he knew that it was probably a ridiculous suggestion, but something in him was screaming at him that if they didn’t change the masks something bad would happen.

TJ furrowed his eyebrows, letting go of Cyrus’ hand. “Cy, they are black ski masks. Literally the most generic mask out there. Trust me, it wouldn’t make a difference.”

“To me it would,” Cyrus said, his voice rising a bit. “I, I just,” he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I just can’t help but feel like if we don’t change them, something bad will happen.”

“Cyrus, nothing will happen, you’re just being paranoid,” TJ huffed, the exhaustion of the past couple days starting to get to him. He ran his hand through his hair, messing it up as he lay down on the bed. 

“I am not being paranoid,” Cyrus said quietly, TJ shifting his head up to look at him. “You and I both know the cops are on our trail, and any mistake, however small, can really cost us.”

“Yeah, a ‘mistake’ can cost us. Not changing our masks from place to place isn’t a mistake, Cyrus,” TJ said, annoyance bleeding through his words. “It also wouldn’t be a good use of our resources.” He sat up, looking at Cyrus, a headache starting to make its presence known. “Now, can we just drop this? Please?”

“Oh I’m sorry for just being cautious,” Cyrus said, narrowing his eyes.

“You’re not being cautious, you’re being ridiculous,” TJ said, groaning into his hand. “The world isn’t gonna end if we don’t change our masks.”

“The world may not end, but we may get recognised. The cops may catch onto us. You don’t know what could happen.”

“It’s masks, Cyrus. Masks. The cops couldn’t do anything with them even if God came down and told them it belonged to us. ‘Cuz they don’t know who we are!”

“That could change just like that!” Cyrus said loudly, snapping his fingers. “What if the supervisor got a glimpse at us? At what we looked like? What if someone saw us along the way? What if the guy from the second-hand car dealership puts two and two together and send the cops after us?” Cyrus said, each sentence getting progressively louder, moving closer and closer to TJ. “Can you say for certain that any of that will not happen?”

TJ just stared back at Cyrus, trying to squelch his annoyance and growing anger. Cyrus took his silence as enough of an answer, scoffing as he turned away from TJ.

“I just think you’re being a little too worried about things we have no control over,” TJ said quietly, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice but his words still coming out a bit harsh. “And for all your questions, Cyrus,” TJ said, getting up off the bed. “Can you say for certain that they happened? That all those things will line up neatly? Because, if I remember the news interview correctly, the guy doesn’t even really remember what happened. So him remembering our faces from a nanosecond glimpse seems a bit far fetched, don’t you think?”

“So, I’m being ridiculous, paranoid, annoying, is that it?” Cyrus hissed, turning to look TJ in the eye. 

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” TJ said quietly, his headache increasing, the closed room and dim lighting not helping the situation. 

“Actually, if I remember correctly, you just called me paranoid and ridiculous, so I’m just quoting you.”

“Why is it that whenever we stop in a motel, you always end up picking a fight?”

“I’m not the one doing or saying stupid shit!” Cyrus yelled, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

TJ just groaned, turning away from Cyrus. “I’m not doing this right now,” he said quietly, grabbing a hoodie from their bag and walking to the door.

“Hey, where the fuck are you going?” Cyrus asked, grabbing TJ’s wrist, but he pulled away. 

“Out,” TJ said, walking out of the room and slamming the door in the process. Cyrus scoffed, opening the door and yelling after TJ.

“Slamming the door and walking away? Yeah, pretty fucking mature!” he called out, before turning around and slamming the door again, kicking it after it shut.

_ Stupid stupid stupid _ . Cyrus pushed his hair back, groaning into his hands as he landed on the bed. He just couldn’t understand why TJ was being so dismissive. Yeah, maybe Cyrus was being too on edge, but it wasn’t like TJ helped. He just pushed aside Cyrus’ feelings, just like that. 

Cyrus turned over on his side, squeezing his eyes shut. TJ’s words of  _ Why is it that whenever we stop in a motel, you always end up picking a fight,  _ swam in his mind, burrowing its way into his heart. Cyrus thought ruefully about how true that statement was. Even at Oceanside, Cyrus had snapped at TJ first. Admittedly, he had deserved it, but it was still he who had delivered the first blow.  _ Had they argued when they were at Palace? _ Cyrus thought to himself, realising that yes, they had argued about something absolutely irrelevant, something he didn’t even remember. And Cyrus didn’t even have to try and dig up the memory to know that it was he who threw the first barb. 

Cyrus turned over onto his side, this realisation sending him down a line of thought he really wasn’t willing to follow.  _ Maybe it’s just because they have been cooped up together for upwards of 5 years now, _ he tried to reason, feeling tears pricking at his eyes.  _ It’s bound to drive people crazy, being stuck together with only each other for so long. They’re bound to snap at each other. People say that it happened to Bonnie and Clyde too! _

_ The resemblance was uncanny. _

Cyrus squeezed his eyes shut, forcing his brain to go quiet. Maybe, if he slept for a while, TJ would be back and they could just talk about it like adults. 

God, he hoped he’d be back when he opened his eyes.

*

Cyrus groaned, pushing himself off the bed, forcing himself to walk around the room. He had woken up more than an hour ago after having slept for three hours, and still no TJ. It was now getting close to 4 pm in the evening, and Cyrus was really starting to worry. He picked at the skin on his thumb as he paced about the room, wondering whether he should risk leaving the room to go find TJ. But his paranoia had too strong of a hold on him to put one foot out the door without TJ. 

_ Why did he have to go and pick an argument _ , Cyrus thought to himself ruefully, as he walked over to the table where he had left the camera. He also brought the essentials bag to the bed, opening it up and hunting through it, eventually pulling out a large envelope.  _ All over some stupid masks. And his stupid stupid worry and anxiety. And now he was alone, and TJ was gone. For good probably. _ Emptying the contents, a collection of photographs cascaded from within the envelope, falling onto the bed and forming a sort of collage. 

He always did this when things were too overwhelming, too anxious. He pulled out all the pictures he had taken, going through them one by one to ground himself, to pull himself down from where his mind floated away. But this would be the first time he would be doing it without TJ. The thought that TJ had left him for good came back to, grabbing and squeezing his heart. But Cyrus coaxed and pried the hand off, with sniffs and controlled breathing. Cyrus took a deep breath and picked up the camera, scrolling through the most recent pictures. He smiled sadly looking at the picture of TJ lying on the bed, taken just before everything had exploded. Cyrus sighed, scrolling back further. 

The sunrise from that morning, TJ making food in the last motel, a rare picture of Cyrus taken by TJ in the middle of the night as Cyrus was asleep, TJ driving against the sunset, their hands. Cyrus flicked through them one by one, his heart both growing warm and breaking more and more. As the pictures on the camera ran out, Cyrus placed it on the bed and picked up the physical pictures.

These were much older, some even dating back to the end of high school. When they left Shadyside for good. 

When they became who they were now.

~

_ The streetlight lit up Cyrus’ room in a golden glow as he turned over onto his side. Try as he did, sleep eluded him. For good reason. TJ may have walked away from that house alive that night, but the other guy didn’t, and no matter how well evidence is hid and changed, and how well their neighbourhood’s environment protected them, anything was possible. _

_ Cyrus bolted up from the bed and got up as quietly as possible, shrugging on a hoodie and his shoes as he crept out of his window. He wasn’t worried about his mother hearing him, remembering seeing her passed out figure on the living room couch, bottles everywhere. He crawled out, making his way down the street to where TJ’s house was. He held his arms close, rubbing the sleeves, the cold making its presence known. He made his way deftly up the drainpipe, seeing the light pour out of TJ’s window into the dark.  _

_ TJ was lying in bed, turning the page of a book he was mildly invested in, when he was startled by a rapping sound coming from his window. He pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose, peering through the foggy glass, and jumped up as soon as he made out Cyrus’ figure in the hazy light. He unlatched the window, and Cyrus pulled himself into the room, as TJ ran his fingers through his hair. _

_ “I’m really sorry, I just,” Cyrus started, but TJ didn’t let him finish, pulling him close and holding him, as Cyrus let out a breath.  _

_ “Couldn’t sleep, could you?” TJ whispered, and Cyrus nodded into his shoulder. “Come on,” he said, lying down on his bed, Cyrus following him. He wrapped his arm around TJ’s waist, laying a hand on his chest. TJ pulled Cyrus closer by the shoulders, resting his head on his. _

_ “They came to our class today,” Cyrus said softly. _

_ “The cops?” TJ asked. Cyrus nodded slowly.  _

_ “Cuz Lester was our age, and Dylan one year older, right? Plus, some kids told him that they had seen him around school the day before he,” Cyrus said, stopping himself before he could say “died”. _

_ TJ hummed, indicating he was listening to Cyrus. He looked calm, but Cyrus could feel his heart rate pick up. They were both equally scared, tripping over eggshells around their friends. They thought that the cops wouldn’t be completely bothered, but 2 murders within a week was too much, even for a town like Shadyside, a town that lived up to its name in more than one way. _

_ “You know,” TJ said softly, and Cyrus lifted his head up to look at him. “High school ends in like two weeks.” _

_ “Yeah, so?” Cyrus asked, confused. TJ sat up, making Cyrus move from where he was lying down. _

_ “And both of us are 18 now.” _

_ “Are you suggesting?” Cyrus asked, raising an eyebrow, an amused smile playing on his lips. _

_ “We could do it,” TJ said, a smile growing on his face. “I could take the car, we grab a few things, and we leave. Live in motels for a few days, and I could get a job at a gas station,” TJ said, getting up and pacing. “Yeah, it’ll be rough for some time. But we’ll have each other.” _

_ “TJ as much as I love the idea of you and me running away together,” Cyrus started, getting up and walking towards TJ. “I don’t know how possible it is.” _

_ “It could be, Cy! We just need to make it work.” _

_ “You can’t take your car without your dad finding out and killing you for it, maybe literally,” Cyrus said, cupping TJ’s cheeks. “And besides, we don’t have any money to survive.” _

_ “We’ll take some money,” TJ said, his words verging on desperate.  _

_ Cyrus shook his head. “This isn’t just money for the odd slushy, TJ. This is real shit.” _

_ TJ looked down. Cyrus put a hand under his chin, holding it up so TJ looked at him.  _

_ “Hey,” he said softly. “You may be onto something here. But if we are gonna do this, we need to be smart.” _

_ TJ quirked his eyebrows. “Wait. You wanna do this? For real?” _

_ Cyrus smiled, looking around him. “As much as Shadyside is where I’m from, it isn’t good for us here. Especially with all the cops.” _

_ “Then let’s do this together,” TJ said, pulling Cyrus in for a kiss, holding him as tight as he could. _

_ Within a couple days, Cyrus and TJ had discreetly packed away things they wanted to take with them wherever they were. High school ended, and with it came the parties, the drinking, the sobs and the farewells. The buzz of excitement and nostalgic distraction was exactly what TJ and Cyrus needed to get away without much notice.  _

_ It happened on an early Wednesday morning. The most plain and uneventful day of the week. Cyrus snuck out of his house for one last time that day. As he opened the window of his room, he couldn’t stop himself from looking at his room, a pang of sadness hitting him and settling in his stomach. He checked his bag for his clothes, watch, a camera he had bought the day before, a notebook and a wad of cash he had consistently taken out of his mother’s purse. _

_ Speaking of his mother… _

_ Cyrus dropped his bag onto the floor, slowly opening the door of his room and headed down to the living room where he had heard his mother in the late hours of the night. He rounded the corner, taking a peek at the couch, where he could make out her figure. He didn’t feel remorse for leaving, but something in him broke at the thought of leaving with no warning. However neglectful she was, she was still his mother. Eventually, Cyrus walked into her room, retrieving a blanket which he lay on her, before walking out of the house for good.  _

_ TJ was waiting down the street in his dad’s old beat up Ford. As he walked out, bag slung on his shoulder, Cyrus couldn’t help but embrace the adrenaline now thrilling through his veins. He threw his bag into the back seat, and slid into the passenger seat. TJ smiled at him, leaning in for a kiss, before handing him a map. _

_ “Take it away, Goodman. You’re in charge.” _

~

Cyrus had stopped at a picture, holding it up as he smiled tearfully. It wasn’t even very good, just a blurry picture of TJ driving along the highway. TJ was reaching out, trying to move the camera away from his face, but Cyrus had still managed to take a picture. It was not special at first glance. But it was the first picture Cyrus had taken with that camera, an hour or so after they had left the outskirts of Shadyside. The paper was yellowing at the corners, crease lines obvious down the middle from being shoved in an envelope for so long. But Cyrus cradled the picture to his chest, letting some tears fall.

A sudden knocking at the door startled Cyrus out of his thoughts. He hastily wiped away the tears and set the picture down, heading over to the door. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and gasped.

“TJ.”

“I went to get some food for us, I figured you’d wanna eat in given everythi-oof,” TJ started, holding up a paper bag with some containers in it, but before he could complete his sentence, Cyrus pulled him into the room and tackled him in a bone-crushing hug. It knocked him back a bit, but he was able to set down the bag and hug Cyrus back, running his hands through his hair.

“I was so scared you’d left for good,” Cyrus said shakily, burying his head in TJ’s shoulder. “I slept for a bit and you still weren’t back, and I thought you were finally done with me, and you just left, and oh my god I’m so sorry for snapping at you and for starting arguments every time,” Cyrus began rambling. TJ pulled away, holding Cyrus’ head up so he looked him in the eye. 

“Hey no, Cyrus I would never leave you, okay? I love you,” TJ said reassuringly, leaning in to press a comforting kiss to Cyrus’ forehead. Cyrus sighed, the tension leaving his shoulders. 

“I love you too, TJ,” he whispered in response, bumping his nose against TJ’s.

“And, I’m sorry too. For calling you ridiculous and paranoid. You had every right to be worried, and I just brushed it off like it was nothing. We can buy new masks if it makes you feel better.”

Cyrus shook his head, smiling softly. “It’s okay. To be fair, I was being paranoid.”

TJ laughed slightly, but his face dropped a bit. “I’m sorry for saying you start arguments all the time. Truth be told, I  _ am _ the one messing up a lot so…”

TJ pushed Cyrus’ hair back, leaning his forehead against Cyrus’. 

“I think it’s just the fact we’ve been only with each other for so long,” Cyrus offered, and TJ nodded in agreement.

“Not that I’d have it any other way. Arguments or not, I don’t mind being only with you,” TJ said softly. Cyrus softly cupped TJ’s cheeks, looking him in the eye. 

“You’re all I really have, TJ. I just got scared of losing you.”

TJ smiled softly, leaning in to kiss Cyrus softly, a stray tear running down his cheek. “You’re all I have too, Underdog. And don’t worry - you won’t lose me.”


	5. Amber Kippen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ and Cyrus visit Amber. They bump into an old childhood friend while they're there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, Sarah here. I'm so sorry for the wait on this one but it's slightly longer than usual so buckle up!!

The sky was painted pink as the sun set below the horizon, signalling the end of heir first day at Riverrun Motel. As dusk fell, shadows began to fill their room, which wasn’t lit by anything apart from the small lamp on TJ’s bedside table. TJ’s face was barely illuminated by it, but Cyrus still found himself taking him in for a moment, smiling softly. It had been a long day of talking, and he felt certain now that a majority of their worries were now out in the open. 

His smile slipped slightly at the realisation that TJ still seemed hesitant, his eyebrows furrowed with worry. Cyrus shuffled closer, taking both of TJ’s hands. 

“What’s wrong?” he murmured. 

TJ glanced down at his lap for a moment, before looking up tentatively and carefully reaching out to brush a stray strand of hair away from Cyrus’ face. 

The man took a deep breath. “I think...” he paused for a moment to lean forward, pressing a kiss to Cyrus’ lips, “I want to go visit Amber.”

The words didn’t register at first, which Cyrus supposed was TJ’s intention with the kiss, but when they did he immediately pulled his hands away from TJ’s, a frown forming on his face.

“TJ-“

“I know, I know,” he interrupted, sounding desperate, “but Cyrus - we’ll be careful, okay? It’ll be a three-day thing tops. She won’t have to know anything.” 

Cyrus just shook his head through, still looking uncertain. “Babe...I know you miss her, but I don’t think this is a good idea. She’ll get curious about where we were, and...neither of us have good memories from that town. You know that.” 

TJ bit his lip, looking as though he was fighting back tears. “I know, I know it’s stupid, I just...wanna see her one more time, you know? In case...”

Cyrus’ heart broke at the sight. He leaned back forward and placed a gentle hand on TJ’s face, smiling reassuringly. “Nothing like that is gonna happen, okay? Absolutely nothing.” 

“But...” TJ trailed off, voice shaky, “just in case...”

Cyrus sighed heavily, letting his eyelids slide shut for a moment. 

_This could end in disaster. It could also end in TJ feeling more assured. It was a risk to go back to that old town, there was no doubt about that, but then again, their lives at this point seemed to be based around risks._

He bit his lip, eyes fluttering open again to meet TJ’s. Cyrus gave him a small smile, leaning in to place a kiss on his cheek. 

“Okay. If it makes you feel better. But we really do have to be careful, okay? No risks.”

TJ nodded, pulling him into a tight hug. Cyrus let out a content sigh as he melted into it, burying his face in the fabric of TJ’s jacket. 

“We’ll leave tomorrow,” he murmured, voice muffled slightly.

“Okay,” TJ mumbled back. 

He paused for a moment, before falling back onto the bed. Cyrus let out a surprised yelp, laughing slightly as he went right down with him. 

“Asshole,” he breathed out, hovering over him.

TJ just smirked, pulling Cyrus down for another hug.

 

~ 

 

The drive was a relatively uneventful one. It another clear day as they travelled down the highway, headed straight towards a place they had fought so desperately to forget. Despite being a cold fall day, it was a bright out, and TJ even wore sunglasses to shield himself. Amber had a place on the outskirts of town in a generally unpopulated area, which seemed to make TJ somewhat more at ease.

Cyrus, on the other hand, could feel his nervousness growing with each mile they came closer to their destination, bubbling up inside of him, but he tried not to let it show beyond drumming his fingers against his leg. They’d already had a lunch break, but Cyrus suddenly found himself wishing they could have another just so they could delay their arrival. 

When they pulled into the driveway of a small, quaint-looking house with a nicely kept garden, Cyrus almost wanted to throw up with how nervous he was. They hadn’t been even  _remotely_  near their town since they’d left that day. Even  _seeing_  the road on which they’d made their escape all those years ago was messing with his head, bringing back memories of a place that hadn’t been kind to either of them in the slightest. 

He let out a sigh, flashing a tight-lipped smile at TJ as they both climbed out of the car. Small pebbles and dried leaves crunched beneath their feet as they walked around to the boot, grabbing two strategically packed bags. TJ was closing the boot when the wooden front door swung open, revealing an overjoyed-looking Amber. 

She was beautiful as ever after all these years,  her long blonde hair falling over her shoulders and her blue eyes, which somehow managed to retain the warmth they always seemed to have, were sparkling in the daylight. Her face appeared more tired now however, with faint dark circles now occupying the space beneath her eyes. 

TJ dropped what he was carrying, face lighting up as Amber ran up to him and jumped up, tackling him in a hug. A sad ache filled Cyrus’ chest as he watched on, TJ spinning the laughing girl around. Amber’s flowery orange dress was somewhat of a striking contrast to the grey clothes that TJ wore as the man set her back down on the ground, smiling wide. 

“I had no idea you were coming!” she exclaimed, hands resting on TJ’s shoulders, “you should’ve called or something! I would’ve gotten the bed in the spare room ready.”

TJ laughed at that, eyes shifting in an almost uncomfortable manner towards Cyrus. “It was a quick decision,” he explained apologetically, “is it still okay for us to stay?” 

“Of course!” Amber smiled, gaze finally landing on Cyrus at the words. 

He gave her, hesitant wave, feeling guilt begin to claw at his insides as she approached him. 

“Hey, Cy. Still putting up with my brother?” 

TJ let out an offended gasp at that, watching as the girl shot him a smirk before pulling Cyrus into a hug. 

“He’s not so bad,” he murmured back, smiling when Amber laughed. 

The noise was still soft as it always had been, and suddenly another ache was filling his chest. Cyrus had tried hard to push down the memories of this town into a place he’d never be able to reach again, but in all of that, he’d somehow forgotten how much he enjoyed spending time with the girl. How much he enjoyed spending time with  _all_  of his friends.

“We can set up the beds Ambs,” TJ told her as the pair separated.

Amber nodded. “That’d be great. The spare room is the first one to the left down the hall, there should be sheets and blankets in the closet. I’ll just go check on how dinner’s going real quick - I made extra for lunch tomorrow, so hopefully there’s enough.” 

She turned around and headed back inside, leaving TJ and Cyrus in silence for a brief moment. 

“This is...”

“Weird,” TJ nodded, picking up the bags again, “I can’t believe how close we are to our high school.”

“Or just...to everything that happened.” 

TJ nodded again, looking solemn. “I guess we probably shouldn’t think about it too much.”

“Yeah,” Cyrus breathed, glancing back wearily as he followed the man inside. 

There was a kitchenette to their left immediately upon entering, with weathered-looking tiles and a small stovetop. Amber flashed them both a smile before returning to whatever she had in the large pot in front of her. To their right, there was open space with a small couch and a box-like TV, stood on top of a cabinet. There was a table pressed up into the corner of the room, with a large vase of purple flowers stood in the centre of it.

Cyrus tried not to linger too much on the TV, or the news it was displaying, knowing well that would only lead to paranoia. Instead, he continued to follow TJ as he headed towards the narrow hallway, carrying one bag in front of him and one bag behind him. 

It was a small, plain room with beige walls and a mattress placed in the centre of it. With all of the motels they’d visited in their time, neither of them batted an eye. TJ set the bags down on the carpet, walking over to the closet and opening it.

“Let’s see...blue or pink bed sheets?”

Cyrus shrugged. “Pink?”

“Pink it is!” said TJ, grabbing the bed covers and tossing them onto the mattress. He grabbed two pillowcases after that, handing them over to Cyrus. 

Cyrus focused on the pillows, while TJ focused on getting the bed sheets over the mattress. There was silence in the room for a few minutes as they did so, apart from the sounds of rustling leaves outside. 

“So...where do we live again?” Cyrus asked, tone hushed.

“We have a small apartment in San Francisco. Two dogs. Friendly neighbours. You work an office job, I work at a café.” 

“...What kind of office job?” he asked. 

“Um...you’re an executive assistant for...a manager at a small publishing firm.” 

Cyrus nodded as he stood up, forcing a smile onto his lips. “Okay then.” 

TJ let out a small sigh, stepping to the man and pulling him in. Cyrus responded automatically, wrapping his arms around TJ and smiling slightly when he felt a kiss being placed on his head. 

“Thanks for doing this,” TJ mumbled.

Cyrus tipped his head up, resting his chin on TJ’s chest. “No problem.”

The pair remained like that for a few lingering moments, before separating again. TJ gave him one last smile as he pushed the door open and made his way to the kitchen, Cyrus following close behind.

“Hey! Dinner should be ready in an hour,” Amber told them, obviously having heard their footsteps. “Want some tea in the meantime?”

“That’d be great,” TJ smiled.

Amber directed her gaze to Cyrus, who gave a polite nod. “That’d be nice! Thanks.” 

“Black or herbal?” 

TJ and Cyrus exchanged a look, before responding “black” at the same time. 

She laughed slightly as she flitted around the kitchen, grabbing some teabags from one of the shelves. 

“You guys can go sit down if you want, I’ll be right out.” 

The news channel was still playing when the pair entered, sitting down side-by-side on the leather couch. TJ must’ve noticed the sudden panic on Cyrus’ face, because he reached over to grab the remote, switching the channel. 

“We’re fine,” he assured him, smiling gently. 

Cyrus took a deep breath and nodded, settling down against TJ’s side. After a long day of driving, dusk was beginning to fall. The sky outside was clear once again, darkening with each minute that went by. There was a large window to their left that displayed a portion of the painted white fence surrounding the house, as well as the trees beyond it. 

Amber was out after a few minutes, balancing three mugs of tea. She set two of them down in front of the pair.

“Thanks for this, Ambs,” said TJ.

Cyrus nodded, leaning his head on the man’s shoulder. “Yeah, we know this must’ve been pretty short notice for you.” 

Amber waved them off as she set her own mug down. “It’s nothing, trust me.” 

She took the space beside Cyrus, leaning over to light the candles that had been placed in the centre of the rustic-looking coffee table. 

Cyrus could feel nerves kicking in as Amber grabbed her mug and settled back down against the couch, her gaze curious. 

“So what have you guys been up to?” 

TJ took a sip of his tea, an action that Cyrus clearly marked down as stalling. 

“Not much,” he confessed with a laugh, “just working. Saving up. We’re planning a holiday soon, hopefully.” 

_Well. That was new information for Cyrus._

Amber’s eyes lit up. “Oh, a holiday! Where to?” 

“Europe hopefully,” TJ responded easily, “like we always wanted.” 

“You should probably check your suitcases before you go then because I might be hiding in one,” she joked, crossing one leg over the other. 

Cyrus laughed at that, trying hard to conceal his unease. TJ seemed to sense this because he gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. 

“What about you? Are you planning a holiday anytime soon?” he asked her. 

Amber looked thoughtful for a moment. “Well...Andi and I always said we’d go to Greece one day. That dream’s kind of been tainted I guess, but it’d still be cool to go...”

TJ nodded. “We really thought holidays would be an easy thing to save up for, didn’t we?” 

Amber laughed slightly at that, shaking her head as she set down her mug. “We thought a lot of crazy things back then.” 

Silence fell for a moment, likely due to the memories that were filling all of their heads. Cyrus was the first to speak up again. 

“Did anyone else from our year leave town?” 

Amber’s eyebrows furrowed slightly as she thought about it. “I think so, yeah. Jonah did. Cathy left with Tom, and I think Nancy left on her own. Buffy and Marty are out of town a lot as well, obviously, but they both live here.” 

Cyrus’ heart skipped a beat. He glanced over at TJ, who seemed to be covering his surprise with a smile. 

“How  _is_  Buffy going, by the way?” he asked. 

“She’s doing well on the force. So is Marty. They’re partners now actually, but I don’t really know much else. Neither of them like talking about it. Secret FBI stuff, you know?” 

Cyrus let out a nervous-sounding laugh. “Yeah. That makes sense.”

TJ shifted slightly in his seat. “We um...we actually got an apartment in San Francisco a few months ago,” he piped up, clearly eager to change the topic. 

Amber raised her eyebrows at that, obviously impressed. “That’s awesome! Did it cost much?” 

“Only our life savings,” TJ joked, “so, not much.”

They all laughed at that, but Cyrus still couldn’t seem to shake off his nerves. Amber got up, telling them she’d check on dinner again, and when she was out of earshot he gave TJ a pointed nudge. 

“Buffy’s a fucking  _FBI_  agent,” he whispered.

TJ let out a sigh. “I know. But she’s not in town, okay? We’re fine.” 

Cyrus just sighed and leaned back against the couch, hoping to god that TJ was right. 

 

~ 

 

The following day found Cyrus outside taking photos of the various flowers that Amber had growing in her garden. It was another sunny day, albeit a lot cloudier than the previous one had been. TJ and Amber were sat together on the porch, chatting away. TJ glanced over at Cyrus occasionally, watching fondly as he carefully positioned for each photo. 

Cyrus couldn’t hear what either of them were saying from where he was, but they both seemed content so he couldn’t find much reason to worry.

The morning drew on, and eventually, Cyrus retreated to their room so he could look over some of the photos he’d taken and delete any that weren’t as good (by  _his_  standards that was, by TJ’s standards they all would’ve been perfect.)

He heard a gentle knock, following by the creaking sound of their door slowly opening. TJ slipped inside, and one glance up confirmed that he looked visibly upset. Cyrus set aside his camera with a hesitant smile.

“What’s up?” 

TJ sighed as he made his way over to the bed, pushing past the tangle of blankets and laying down beside Cyrus. He stared up the ceiling for a few moments before responding. 

“Do you ever...” he paused for a moment, biting his lip, “do you ever think about what life would’ve been like if none of that stuff happened back then?” 

Cyrus was slightly taken aback by the words. TJ was generally a pretty forward-thinking person, and he rarely dwelled on the past. He thought about it for a moment, turning it over in his head.

“Yeah, I do,” he responded gently, laying down beside him. “But...we can’t change what happened back then now. It’s not worth torturing yourself over.” 

TJ turned over on his side to face him, absent-mindedly reaching out to trail his fingers along Cyrus’ arm. “I know...it’s just, things could’ve been so good for us. I was just talking with Amber and...I don’t know. We could’ve stayed here and gotten a little place like this one. Could’ve gotten work somehow.”

Cyrus really didn’t know what to say, but TJ continued before he had to.

“Amber said she misses me, Cy...I just...I don’t know. I wish I could see her more. I wish I didn’t have to lie. I guess that’s kind of rich coming from me, but-“ 

“I get it,” Cyrus interrupted him, shuffling closer. “And yeah, things could’ve been different. But this is our reality now, and we can’t do much to change that. I mean, sometimes I wish we could, but...we can’t. Just focus on the time you’re spending with her now, okay? I know it’s not ideal but...it’s what we have to deal with.” 

TJ nodded. “You’re right. I guess I should probably stop thinking about the ice cream parlour we could’ve opened together.” 

Cyrus laughed slightly at that. “You wanted to open an  _ice cream_  parlour? What would’ve made it any different to the other ice cream parlours in this town?”

The man thought about it for a moment, a smile forming on his lips as he pulled Cyrus in. 

“We could’ve made it a gay one. LGBT people allowed, only. And allies on Sundays.”

“A  _gay_  one?” Cyrus laughed, giving TJ an incredulous look, “that wouldn’t have happened even if we  _weren’t_  criminals, I can tell you that much.”

TJ just smiled again, placing a quick kiss to Cyrus’ hair. “My mind is too advanced for the current market.” 

Cyrus nodded in agreement. “Yeah. Maybe wait about 20 years or something. People may be more onboard.” 

TJ opened his mouth to respond, but a sudden knock at their door had both of them sitting up. 

“Come in!” TJ called. 

The door was gently pushed open, and Amber stood in the doorway. She looked shaken now in comparison to how she’d looked outside, and Cyrus found himself frowning slightly. 

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

The girl forced a smile onto her lips and shook her head. “No! Sorry, I was just wondering if you guys wanted to help with lunch.” 

“Yeah, sure!” TJ agreed, untangling himself from the blankets and standing up from the bed. Cyrus followed suit, and they were all in the kitchen making toasties soon enough. 

He tried hard not to overthink the expression on Amber’s face as she’d opened the bedroom door. 

 

~ 

 

TJ and Cyrus spent the morning of their last day curled up on the couch with tea, watching as rain slid down the living room window. They were chatting away with Amber, having happily agreed to go on a walk in the afternoon once the rain cleared up and start packing for the road in the evening 

Cyrus was beginning to feel at ease with talking to the girl, relaxing into TJ’s side and laughing along with Amber at his occasional jokes. It was when a loud knock sounded at the front door that he tensed up again, exchanging a look with TJ as Amber looked over in confusion.

“Were you guys expecting anyone?” she asked, setting her mug down and hesitantly getting to her feet. 

“No, I don’t think so,” TJ responded, obviously trying to maintain his cool exterior. He was drumming his fingers against the couch now though, and Cyrus could tell he was nervous.

Amber shrugged and made her way over to the door, TJ and Cyrus turning in their seat to watch. 

Cyrus held his breath as Amber peered through the window, her frown smoothing out into an expression of delight. She threw open the door, stepping out onto the porch to hug whoever had arrived. TJ began smiling slightly, still obviously confused as he got up. 

“What are you doing here?! I thought you were out of town!” Amber exclaimed, which had both TJ and Cyrus freezing in their tracks. 

They exchanged a wide-eyed glance, watching as Amber re-entered, now with Buffy in tow. She didn’t look too different either, although Cyrus supposed that they were all still relatively young. Her hair was shorter now, pulled back with a scrunchie. 

The air seeped out of Cyrus’ lungs as Buffy came to an abrupt stop, eyes narrowed sceptically as she took them both in. Amber was stood behind her, although she didn’t appear to be smiling anymore. She looked  _worried_ , and that only added to the uneasy pit forming in his stomach.

“TJ and Cyrus decided to stop by!” she exclaimed, as though it was some sort of planned surprise. 

Buffy began to smile, and Cyrus let out the breath he’d been holding.

“Seriously? You assholes never thought to come by sooner?” she asked with a laugh, stepping forward to wrap TJ up in a hug. 

Cyrus was fairly certain he was on the verge of passing out with how nervous he was, shoving his shaking hands into the pockets of the oversized jacket he’d stolen from TJ.

“Sorry! We’ve been busy living the city life,” he joked. Only Cyrus would’ve been able to pick up on the hints of unease in his tone.

“The city life, huh? Wow, I never took you two for those kind of people. Whereabouts?” she asked, walking over to give Cyrus a hug too. 

The boy tensed slightly, before returning it with a smile. “San Francisco,” he told her. 

“What’s it like?” she asked, pulling away.

“Busy,” TJ responded, earning him a laugh. 

“Well, I’m glad you two are going okay anyway. I’ve only got a few minutes, but maybe I’ll catch you around sometime.”

“Yeah!” Cyrus nodded, giving the girl a smile. “Definitely.” 

Buffy turned back to Amber, who was still stood nervously by the front door. “I brought flowers for you! I thought I should probably thank you somehow for letting Marty and I stay last week.” 

Amber smiled at that, waving her off. “Don’t sweat it. But I mean...I love flowers.” 

Buffy laughed at that, and the girls headed outside. Cyrus watched as Buffy paused by their car, and suddenly his heart was soaring all over again.

“What do we have in there?” he whispered urgently.

TJ shook his head. “Stuff that would probably look kind of suspicious to an FBI agent.” 

Buffy asked Amber something, presumably about the car, and the girl responded, gesturing to them through the doorway. TJ immediately turned away, facing Cyrus. 

“I think we need to chill out.” 

“Chill out?!” Cyrus whisper-yelled, “there is no  _way_  I’m chilling out now.” 

TJ just sighed, running a stressed hand through his hair. 

“We need to go. Like - earlier than planned,” said Cyrus. 

“Babe, let’s not be irrational-“ 

“ _Please?_ We can...we can wait until it’s dark so Buffy’s definitely gone, but we  _have_  to go today.” 

“How would we explain that to Amber?” TJ asked, shaking his head. 

“We’ll just say the dogs probably miss us, and we don’t wanna deal with early morning traffic. Please - just - we  _have_  to do this, okay?” Cyrus rushed out, growing desperate now. 

TJ observed him for a moment, looking conflicted, before letting out a heavy sigh and nodding. “Okay. We’ll leave when it gets dark.”

Cyrus gave him a weak smile. “Okay. Thanks, babe.” 

TJ gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, turning back around when he heard footsteps approaching the door again. 

“I’m gonna head off now, guys. I’ll see you around!” Buffy called. 

“See you!” TJ called, waving. 

Cyrus would’ve said something too, but he practically felt sick with guilt at that moment. There was  _definitely_  something different about lying to old childhood friends about their lives in comparison to strangers, and it wasn’t a feeling he enjoyed in the slightest. It felt like a heavy weight, pressing down against his chest harder with each word that left his mouth. 

Amber looked shaken up by the encounter, flashing them both a tired smile as she stepped back inside with a bouquet of flowers. “I’m kind of tired, I think I’ll take a nap.” 

TJ nodded, not saying anything beyond “okay” despite the obvious worry on his face. 

The duo decided against taking the walk they’d originally planned, opting instead to begin packing their things. They remained relatively silent throughout, solemn looks on both of their faces.

By the time evening rolled around they were sitting nervously in the living room, watching the sky darken rapidly outside. TJ eventually sighed, giving Cyrus’ arm a squeeze. “We should probably head off.” 

“Are you guys leaving?” came a voice from the kitchen, startling both of them. 

Cyrus turned around, heart thumping away in his chest as his gaze met Amber’s. TJ turned too, swallowing thickly. 

“Uh - yeah. The dogs are probably missing us, and we’re both kind of eager to get home,” he laughed humourlessly.

Amber let out a breath, bowing her head slightly as she nodded. “Okay.” 

It wasn’t until twenty minutes later that she spoke up again, pulling TJ aside as he made to carry the final bag to their car. Cyrus was outside, just about to walk back in, but he decided against it. He leaned up against the cold brick instead, breath caught in his throat. 

“TJ, I...” Amber hesitated for a moment. “I know what you guys are doing. I saw you on the news and I...I really didn’t want to believe it, but then I heard you guys yesterday and I...don’t even know what to think anymore.”

TJ seemed to be at a loss for words because it took him a long few moments to respond. “Amber...”

“You don’t have to explain. Just...please promise me you won’t keep doing it. Stop while you can so you don’t get in trouble,” she begged. 

Cyrus’ heart broke right then and there. He felt guilty about listening in, but he honestly couldn’t help it. 

“Ambs...I’m really sorry, but I can’t promise that. It’s...it’s just what we do now.” 

Cyrus shook his head, feeling sick all over again. He wanted more than anything to be able to tell Amber it was all some big, cruel joke. She deserved that much. 

“Then...then don’t get in trouble,” she begged instead. 

TJ hesitated. “We won’t,” he said, “I promise. I love you, okay? More than anything.” 

“I love you too,” came the whispered response.

Cyrus took a deep breath and walked towards the car, climbing into the passenger’s seat. He heard the boot open a few seconds later as TJ dumped the bag inside. There was a pause, then he was climbing into the driver’s seat, looking visibly pale. 

His gaze fell on the house again and Cyrus looked curiously over his shoulder, only to find that Amber was watching them through the window now, tears making their way down her face as she held a hand up to her mouth to muffle her sobs. Cyrus looked away, burying his head in his hands for a moment. 

“You were right,” TJ murmured sadly, voice thick with tears. “This was a bad idea.” 

Cyrus just shook his head, offering him a weak smile. “I’ll drive this time around, okay?”

TJ nodded, still looking guilt-stricken, and the pair stepped out of the car to switch seats.

They were driving away into the sunset soon enough, leaving a crying Amber alone in her house, along with all of the memories they had reminisced about while they were there.

 

~

 

“Hey Marty, would you mind looking up a number plate for me?”  

The man on the other end of the line laughed slightly, and Buffy let out an impatient huff.

“On what grounds are we looking this information up, Buffy? Unless it’s a lead, then you know as well as I do that we can’t do that.” 

“ _Yeah_ , but...” she paused for a moment, sighing. “I guess you’re right.” 

“Can you get back to the station already, please? It’s getting lonely over here.” 

Buffy rolled her eyes. “I’ll be over soon, party boy.” 

“I’m never shaking off that nickname, am I?” 

“Never,” Buffy smiled, before hanging up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!
> 
> Kudos/comments are appreciated if you liked it <3


	6. A Bitter Home Coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected obstacle forces Cyrus to walk down memory lane and find his way home.

_**tw: homophobia (slight)** _

Cyrus wasn’t used to driving, that usually was TJ’s area of expertise. But, after leaving Amber’s house, TJ had been in no shape to be on the road. Right from when he and Cyrus had switched seats, he had just been staring out of the window listlessly, his breath ragged and broken. Teardrops were falling on his hoodie and jeans, and his whole posture was closely resembling that of a child crying themselves to sleep, curled up on himself. Cyrus had a loose hold of TJ’s hand, rubbing his thumb comfortingly over the back of his palm as he kept the other hand on the wheel. 

They weren’t going very fast. As soon as Amber’s house had disappeared from the rearview mirror, Cyrus had pulled to the side of the road, holding TJ as he broke down in his arms, sobs racking his body with no signs of stopping.

“We shouldn’t have gone, Cy,” TJ gasped between sobs. “We shouldn’t have gone.”

“Shh, it’s okay, TJ,” Cyrus comforted, rubbing the back of his head as he held him tightly against his chest. “We had to see her some time. It needed to happen, and it isn’t bad that it did.”

“She hates us, Cy.”

“She doesn’t hate you, TJ. She could never hate you. Hey,” Cyrus said softly, pulling away. He cupped TJ’s cheek, looking him in the eye. “She loves you so much, TJ. Anyone can see that. She’s just worried about you, rightly so. She doesn’t hate you,” he said firmly. “Do you hear me?”

TJ nodded slightly, looking down, letting the tears flow. Cyrus cupped his face and pressed a kiss to TJ’s forehead, before turning back to the steering wheel. TJ settled back in his seat, giving Cyrus a small smile before looking ahead. Cyrus squeezed his hand, turning to start the car so that they could leave the town behind. 

 _One turn. Another turn. Why wasn’t it working?_ Cyrus peered at the front of the car, repeatedly turning the key. TJ had also sat up, sniffing slightly. 

“What’s going on, Cy?” he asked, concern rising in his tone. 

“Don’t know,” he mumbled back, opening the car door and heading to the bonnet. He opened it, and a puff of smoke hit him straight in the face, sending him into a coughing fit. 

“Shit,” Cyrus grumbled, slamming down the hood. 

“What is it?” TJ said, getting out of the car. 

“Engine’s busted,” Cyrus said, hands on his waist as he looked around, his breath growing heavy. “We should’ve switched cars before heading here. This is really bad.”

TJ looked at him worriedly, glancing around to see if there was anyone else around. Normally, he would be comforting Cyrus, but given everything that had just happened, he too was on edge, just a push away from crumbling again. Cyrus ran his fingers through his hair messily, sweat starting to run down his face. 

“Any chance we can push this for some distance?” TJ asked, his voice hoarse. Cyrus just shook his head.

“We can’t push it forever. We’re closer to the centre of town than we are to the highway anyway.”

“We can’t steal a car from town! People would see us and they know who we are!”

“It’s Shadyside, TJ. Stealing cars is practically a daily occurrence.”

“Yeah, but we don’t know how much the town has changed since we left. That was 6 years ago, Cyrus! For all we know, they figured out that,” TJ said, looking around hastily. “That we did what we did. And they are just waiting for us to come into town.”

“No,” Cyrus said in a low voice, shaking his head vehemently. “No, there’s no way. Buffy is a fucking FBI agent. If she didn’t arrest us on sight for that, they haven’t figured it out.” He walked away a bit, looking at the ground, wracking his brain. “We need to find an abandoned car, that’s our best chance.”

TJ just nodded, narrowing his eyes as he looked behind him. “Where even are we?”

Cyrus looked back at him, before getting his first proper look at their surroundings. It took him a minute to get his bearings, but as soon as he did, it felt like he had been shot by a bullet to the chest. He drew in a shaky breath, wiping his mouth as he looked around. _Taking away the tidiness and the increased number of houses, hiding the alleys and the filth, it was exactly the same._ Cyrus looked ahead, mentally counting the houses. _No way, no way._  But there it was. 

As if he had never left.

“Cyrus?” TJ asked, furrowing his eyebrows. He walked up to the other man, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Are you still there?”

“I know where we are,” Cyrus muttered, looking up as he shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“Where?” TJ asked, both confused and concerned. 

Cyrus looked up at him, taking a deep breath. “We’re on my street.”

TJ looked around, narrowing his eyes. “Huh. I’ve never really seen it in daylight. Wonder why,” he said with a small smile, earning a shove from Cyrus, who was rolling his eyes. But soon enough, Cyrus’ expression grew conflicted, his eyes constantly drawn to his house. 

“You think she still lives there?” Cyrus asked after a few moments of silence.

“Your mom?” 

“No, Whitney Houston. Obviously, my mom.”

TJ shrugged, walking up beside Cyrus. “Only one way to find out,” he said softly, squeezing Cyrus’ hand. He looked up at him with a small smile. He nodded at the car.

“What about all our stuff?” Cyrus asked. “We can’t leave it unattended. Think you can push the car till there?”

“I’m pushing the car?!” TJ asked, raising his eyebrows. “And why would you assume that?”

“Because, you’re so strong and you love me and would do anything for me?” Cyrus said, smiling innocently. TJ just rolled his eyes, pulling Cyrus by the elbow to the back of the car. 

“Nice try, Goodman. If I have to push this, so do you.”

*

An hour of pushing, and 45 minutes of Cyrus complaining about how he _wasn’t built for this much physical exertion_ later, the two had pushed the car considerably closer to the house. With every yard they got closer, Cyrus could feel the pit in his stomach grow. He was not at all ready to face his mother, if she even still lived there. _He hadn’t even said goodbye when he left all those years ago._ The boy who had walked out of those doors 6 years ago was miles away from the man who was standing before them again, but at the same time, they had never been more similar. After all, both times he had TJ by his side, holding his hand through everything. 

_About the hand holding…_

Cyrus turned abruptly to look at TJ as they walked up the small path to the door. He kept his gaze focused on the gravel, the stones still looking the same. 

“My, my mom doesn’t know, by the way,” Cyrus said, his words barely audible. 

“About what?” TJ asked, looking intently at Cyrus. 

“A-About us. She doesn’t know, that, that we were together in high school, or even that I’m gay.”

“Oh,” is all that TJ said, letting go of Cyrus’ hand as he nodded understandingly. As soon as he let go, Cyrus missed the comfort that came with it, knowing he needed it more than ever at that moment. But, he took a deep breath and walked up to the door, standing in front of it. 

_Ready?_

Taking a deep breath, Cyrus raised his hand, hesitating for a minute, before knocking thrice. As soon as he did, he stepped back, nervousness making a home in his gut. He felt lightheaded, his breath growing shaky. _What did he remember about the house? The mess, the stench of alcohol that ran through the air as soon as the door opened? Would any of it be the same?_

He didn’t have to wonder long, hearing footsteps behind the door. Steadying himself, Cyrus looked up as the door opened, his breath hitching in his throat. 

She looked older, and she dressed different. Her ratty and fading t-shirt and sweatpants had been traded in for a dress and apron, her hair neatly put back. But most of all, not a whiff of alcohol around. And there she was, actually standing upright. Her face was unreadable, confusion clouding her eyes.

“Yes?” she asked, her voice brighter than Cyrus remembered. 

“Mom,” was all he could whisper, unable to think of anything else to say. Cyrus didn’t know what to feel. When he saw her, so much of him wanted to forget the neglect, the screams, the yelling, the insults and everything, because there she was, standing before him, the mother he had always wanted. But, a small part of him couldn’t help but feel bitter. _She had it in her to change all along. But he just hadn’t been worth it._

When Cyrus said that, her expression changed rapidly, from confusion, to denial, to shock, and then finally to stelled surprise. “Cyrus?” she said, putting on a smile as fast as she could. “Oh, oh hi there, baby,” she said, shaking her head slightly, pulling him into a hug. Cyrus tried to reciprocate, but it couldn’t help but feel awkward and forced. Just then, he felt his mother’s gaze lift up, her eyes fixed beyond his shoulder. 

 _Oh right, TJ!_ Cyrus stepped back and patted TJ on the shoulder awkwardly. “You remember my best friend, TJ, right?”

“TJ? Oh yes, yes I do,” she said, lying through her teeth as she narrowed her eyes at TJ, looking between the two as she stretched out her hand to TJ, who shook it woodenly. They stood outside for a few moments in silence, Cyrus’ mom just staring back at them. But then, soon enough, she shook her head slightly, smiling again. 

“Come on in, you must be tired,” she said, and Cyrus and TJ gave each other a look before entering the house, leaving their shoes by the doorway.

Cyrus looked around the living room, the distinct lack of bottles and scattered glass hitting him like a pile of bricks. It looked like an actual home, like the home Cyrus had imagined every time the voices in the hall got too loud. TJ, who was following close behind him, grabbed Cyrus by the elbow and leaned in. 

“You okay?” he whispered, and Cyrus nodded, keeping his eyes focused ahead of him. His eyes landed on a collection of picture frames on the mantel. Drawn to it, Cyrus walked up to it, picking up a newly framed one of her and some other middle-aged man. He looked up, seeing the picture of himself staring back at him, hidden behind it. 

_Already erasing her past._

Cyrus walked away, holding the picture of what he presumed was the new person in his mom’s life, the reason she looked so bright. TJ walked up to the pictures, smiling softly to himself as he traced the outline of Cyrus’ face in the picture. 

“Is this your boyfriend?” Cyrus asked hesitantly, holding up the picture to his mother, who walked in with two steaming mugs of coffee. 

“Um,” she fumbled, setting the mugs down on the coffee table, wiping her hands on her apron. “Actually, fiance.” 

Cyrus let out a shaky breath, nodding his head as he put the frame down on the dining table. “That’s, um, that’s great. I’m happy for, for you.”

Cyrus’ mom let out a small sigh, plastering a smile on her face. “Thank you, sweetie.” She walked over to the armchair where she sat down after putting a tray of biscuits. TJ and Cyrus joined her, awkwardly sitting on the opposite sides of the arguably small couch. “How have you been? Last time I saw you was, gosh, when?”

“6 years ago,” Cyrus said, looking at his mom. She looked at him, nodding slightly, pursing her lips.

“Ah yes, when you left with all your things, a note, and no goodbye, that time?” she said with a sugary smile, venom just dripping through her words.

Cyrus sighed, looking down at his feet. “I’m sorry, mum. I should’ve at least said goodbye-”

“No, no!” she stopped him, giving a short laugh. “I understand why you left.”

Cyrus held his breath, his heart suddenly pounding in his ears. He looked at TJ, who gave him a reassuring glance, before turning back to his mother, gulping. “What do you mean?”

She looked at him with a small smile. “I wasn’t a good mother. Don’t think I didn’t notice your shock at the state of the house and my appearance. I know what I was. Even if I don’t remember whole years of my life from then, I know why I don’t remember.”

Cyrus nodded along to his mother’s words, taking a small sip of the coffee just to keep himself busy. It scalded his tongue, and the amount of sugar was far too much, but he kept drinking it anyway. _She’s trying her best._ “Still, I’m sorry. I should’ve at least said goodbye.”

She just smiled, pushing the plate of biscuits towards him. Cyrus smiled back at her, but anyone could see that neither of the smiles reached their eyes. TJ just sat there awkwardly, drinking the coffee. Until Cyrus’ mom turned to him, a sickly sweet smile on her face.

“So, TJ. What are you up to nowadays?” she asked, smiling. But she was eyeing him down intensely. TJ smiled back, knowing very well her emotions towards him. Many a times when they were in high school had Cyrus cluthced him, talking about how much his mother wanted to keep Cyrus away from TJ, calling him a ‘bad influence’ and ‘futureless case’. 

“I, uh, work in a cafe. In San Francisco,” TJ said, coughing slightly. She nodded plainly, eyeing him up and down.

“Hm,” was all she said, before turning back to Cyrus. As soon as she turned towards him, she had a smile on her face. It was like a switch had been flipped. “What about you, Cyrus? What have you been doing?”

“Oh! Well,” Cyrus hesitated, wracking his brain to remember the job TJ had told him when they had first reached Amber’s house. “I, uh, I’m an assistant, executive assistant, at, for the manager, at this small publishing firm.”

“Oh, and where is this firm?”

“Well, it’s in, San Francisco.”

“Oh! Both of you live in the same city,” Cyrus’ mom said, smoothing out her apron as she looked between the two men. “Lovely.”

TJ and Cyrus couldn’t do anything but nod. TJ looked over at Cyrus, desperately wanting to reach out and squeeze his hand, to rub his thumb on the back of his palm so that he would calm down, but he had to hold himself back. For Cyrus’ sake.

“So, do you two live near each other?” Cyrus’ mom asked, leaning forward. 

TJ started to think about different localities in San Francisco, preparing for wherever Cyrus said he lived. But Cyrus surprised him by looking over at him and smiling softly. 

“Actually, we share an apartment together. We’re roommates,” Cyrus said, looking over at his mother, who looked quite taken aback. Her expression betrayed her shock and disbelief, but almost immediately, she hastily smiled, placing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Oh. How nice. Must be a blessing for rent.”

Cyrus laughed quietly. “Yeah it is.”

“But, what about the future?” she asked, her eyes shifty. 

“What do you mean, Mom?” Cyrus asked, feeling a bead of sweat on the back of his neck. He had a feeling he knew where the conversation was going, and Cyrus wanted to just walk out of the door and not have to answer.

“Well, when you get married, of course! Can’t imagine your wife appreciating having to live in a house with a person who she isn’t married to. Not all boys are lucky enough to find a Monica Geller,” she said with a laugh. 

Cyrus laughed nervously along, picking up his mug to take a sip of coffee, draining the mug of every last drop. He looked down at his hands, his breath growing heavy. 

_Say something say anything she’ll get suspicious._

TJ looked over at Cyrus, noticing the way he was breathing, his posture slouching and one he only got when something was really bothering him. So, he set down his mug and smiled, looking up at Cyrus’ mom. “Don’t worry, when that day comes, I’ll be more than happy to leave the place to Cyrus and his beautiful wife.”

“Oh how sweet of you!” she said, her smile dripping of honey, but her eyes cold. TJ raised his eyebrows, nodding along. 

_God, Cyrus didn’t deserve TJ. Especially after this._

Cyrus took a deep breath, steeling his nerves. He set down the empty mug, wiping his mouth. “Actually, mom,” he started, his voice cracking. Cyrus looked over at TJ and moved closer to him on the couch. 

“Cyrus, what are you doing?” TJ hissed, his eyes wide. But Cyrus grabbed his hand, cutting him off. 

“I don’t want to keep lying, or have you lie for me,” he said, shaking his head at TJ, before looking up at his mum, whose eyes had gone wide, burning holes at TJ and Cyrus’ laced fingers. TJ looked between her and Cyrus, but with a small smile from Cyrus, he nodded, and looked up.

“Mom,” Cyrus started, taking a deep breath. “I’m not gonna get married.”

“Well, why not, honey? I’m sure there is a nice girl out there for you,” his mom said nervously, chuckling awkwardly. But Cyrus just shook his head impatiently. 

“That’s just it, mom,” he said, looking up at her, before looking over at TJ, giving him a soft, small smile. “I don’t want a girl. Because the person for me is right here.”

TJ smiled back, squeezing Cyrus’ hand before looking back at his shoes. Cyrus looked back at his mother, who was sitting back in her chair, eyes trained to the ground, her jaw set tight.

“Mom?” Cyrus said, bending down to try and catch her eye. But she looked away, getting up and walking to the kitchen. “Mom, please say something.”

She scoffed, turning around, hand on her waist. “What should I say, Cyrus? Is that why you left? To run away with,” she sputtered, gesturing wildly at TJ. “With him?! Because he turned you into a, a-”

“He didn’t turn me into anything, Mom! I am, and I always have been, gay!” Cyrus yelled, getting up, looking at his mother. TJ got up abruptly, placing a hand on Cyrus’ chest, holding him. 

Silence filled the air after Cyrus yelled, the word ‘gay’ permeating the air. Cyrus stared at his mother, a lump in his throat. His breaths grew shaky with every moment of silence that passed by, every moment his mother looked away instead of at him. TJ held his breath in anticipation, trying to quell the growing rage in him. 

Finally, after what felt like centuries, Cyrus’ mom walked closer to him, scoffing. “You aren’t my son, not if you are like, like that,” she spat out in a low voice, her eyes burning with rage. “I can’t believe I was going to ask you to stay the night. Me, opening the door for you impure sinners, you f-”

“I don’t think you should finish that,” TJ said harshly, pushing forward to stand right in front of Cyrus’ mom. Even though he practically towered over her in stature, she sneered at him.

“And why not? It’s true isn’t it?” she said quietly, her voice scalding. 

“So you hate me, and your son, who you’ve seen for the first time in 6 years, just because he told you that we are together? That we happen to be in love? Why is that so wrong? What, because we are two boys, because it’s ‘unnatural’?” TJ said, his voice rising with every word.

“TJ, you don’t have to,” Cyrus whispered, but TJ held out his hand to him. 

“No, Cyrus. It’s not okay. What your mother said was absolutely unacceptable. And I’m not gonna let her speak to you like that, I don’t care if she was the fucking Queen,” TJ said, looking over at Cyrus.

His mom just stood there, staring up at TJ. She didn’t say anything, TJ’s sudden outburst surprising her and taking her aback. 

“Guess what? Cyrus has been doing amazing without you, even while he was still here, and he will continue doing amazing things. So, really it’s your loss.”

At that, she scoffed, rolling her eyes as she looked away. Furious, TJ looked off to the side, spotting a slight shimmer from the bowl by the counter. He smiled to himself as he turned over to Cyrus. 

“Come on Cyrus, we’re leaving,” he said, grabbing Cyrus’ wrist, pulling him away from his mother, who stood there looking ahead. TJ made a quick stop by the bowl, pulling out a set of keys. 

“And what do you think you’re doing?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at the two. 

“We’re taking your car. Ours broke down,” TJ said with a sneer, walking over to the door as Cyrus stared after him in shock. 

“Yeah right, hand it back, kid,” she said, crossing her arms as they walked out the door. But when the two showed no sign of returning, she ran up to the door, yelling after them. 

“Hey! Give that back!” she screamed, standing at the main doorway. 

But Cyrus and TJ had already loaded all their things into the car, Cyrus in the passenger seat as TJ tossed the keys up and down, before getting into the car. He threw Cyrus’ mom a salute,getting the finger in response. Within a few seconds, they had started the car, and were cruising down the Shadyside roads, TJ’s hand firmly clasped with Cyrus’.

Before the house left their rearview mirror, Cyrus turned around, throwing one last look back at the place he had left all those years ago. 

_One of his better decisions in life._

*

“Hey,” TJ said after an hour of silence. Cyrus had been staring out of the window, compartmentalising that entire visit, from the immediate shock, to the end. He was surprised, however, at the distinct lack of tears. But he had just needed time to think.

TJ reached over, squeezing his hand, pulling Cyrus out of his thoughts. “You okay there?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus said quietly, nodding. TJ looked over at him, bringing up his hand to kiss it. “Wanna stop for a bit for lunch? Cuz, no offense, your mom’s biscuits are terrible.”

“None taken,” Cyrus said with a small smile as TJ pulled to a stop beside the road. After a bit of hunting among their supplies, TJ procured two packets of cheese puffs which he held up triumphantly, much to Cyrus’ amusement.

They ate for a while, looking at the surroundings. They had left town only 20 or so minutes before that, so technically, it wasn’t the best decision to stop there. But, TJ knew that they had to.

“So,” TJ said, crumpling up his empty packet. “Are you okay?”

Cyrus looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed. “Well, I mean. Of course, I wish her reaction was different, you know? But, I expected it. So, I’m alright, actually.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah. I mean, it was a very last minute decision to see her, given our car and everything, but. In the end, it had to be done.”

TJ nodded along, looking ahead at the road. Cyrus sighed, looking at TJ.

“I mean, the path we’re on, who knows what’ll happen? So, I guess, loose ends need to be tied up.”

“That was one hell of a loose end,” TJ muttered under his breath, and Cyrus laughed, shoving him in the shoulder.

“I still can’t believe you just took her car!” Cyrus exclaimed, eyes wide in amusement. TJ just shrugged, stuffing the wrappers into the holders.

“Just one of my many charms,” he said, winking as Cyrus rolled his eyes, pulling out the map.

“Okay, where to next?”

 


End file.
